I’m having a very low energy day today so I decided to seek out opportunities to give online. Besides the click-to-donate websites that I mentioned on day 1, another way to be involved as a giving activist online is in signing petitions. Just as the care2 website is a secure safe reputable click to donate website there are petition sites like GoPetition which are secure safe reputable sites where you can sign online petitions.  You can find petitions relevant to you geographically and in terms of areas of interest that you wish to support.

For instance one of the petitions I signed today was for continued medical treatment for an elderly man in Winnipeg here in Canada.  I was the 3783 signature.  Petitions are ways you can give by influencing people with more power in certain situations to make ethical decisions. Petitions can and do get things done. Don’t underestimate the power of your ‘signature’.

Is a lot like day 4 was, except today the bed I gave away was a single and not a queen.  I also started a group on FetLife called Love.

Today for my 4th day of a year of gifting.  I gifted a queen sized bed.  It hasn’t been claimed yet, but I’ve put it out there for offer just now and I know someone is going to scoop it.

Have stuff you need to rehome? Have you ever heard freecycle? I belong to our local freecycle group and it’s a really good way to gift things you no longer need or want.  Honestly, you may think something you have is just junk and no one at all would want it, before you take it to the dump, check freecycle out and post it.  It doesn’t matter what it is,  if you let enough people know you have it and don’t want it, you can likely find a home for something.

Freecycle is an easy way to give if you don’t have a lot of time, or easy way to transport things to drop off locations, shelters, charities, etc. You just post an offer for the item you want to gift, when someone emails you wanting it, you arrange with them for them to come get it from you. Now it’s not just for gifting. I’ve found some great finds of things I needed being offered on freecycle.

Now literally, the more you give the more you get.. if we all get in on the action together. Yes, you could sell some of that stuff accumulating in your home probably. I could have sold this bed. It’s in good shape. Someone is going to get an excellent comfy queen sized bed. I got this bed off of freecycle myself actually. Can you imagine a world where we all freecycled? I’m not making any money giving away this bed, but I didn’t spend any money getting this bed either. What if we all just gifted away everything we didn’t need… we’d just be taking care of each other. No buying, no selling, just giving.

Give a little more, it feels good.

Day three of my year of giving… A few opportunities for giving today arose, not a lot, I’m not sure I’m ‘giving satisfied’ I might have to cook up something else later. However I did manage a few things. I did go click my daily click to donates at care2 and spent some time investigating the Better to Bless website that was recommended by a friend.   I had a wonderful time going shopping with a new friend, who I hope to get to know better and see again and hang out some time. We went for tea after and had a lovely time chatting. I did pick up the tea tab, but I’m not sure I consider that a special act of giving. It has me thinking about what ‘qualifies’ as a giving, just about anything can and does. I have to remind myself not to underestimate the gifts that seem natural to give that I would normally do as having value in my conscious ‘year of giving’ plan.

We donated a few dollars to the food bank today as well. They’re really hurting this winter season still, demand is still high, and giving is still down.  Often people give more to the food bank around the holidays and things drop off and they struggle. It’s a good time to donate to the foodbank anytime.

I chatted with and complimented a man standing behind me in line at Value Village, he looked down and I managed to get a smile.

I think the most precious thing I had to give today was my sincere love and appreciation for the wonderful woman I spent the afternoon with. I hope it’s a gift she has recieved, and I think so. That I felt honoured to spend time with her, and admired all the wonderful things I learned about who she is, the wonderful personality, incredibly caring and giving, intelligent and strong, healthy and beautiful person she is.  It was certainly the best gift I recieved today was the time spent getting to know her better.

How blessed am I, a wonderful time with a new friend last night, and a wonderful time with a new friend today.

Okay, I’ve decided I’m gifting satiated after all. Besides, I’m sure opportunities to give will find me tomorrow.

Part of my plan for this year of giving is for much of the process to be spontaneous and unplanned. I did look at things a bit in advance. After all, what if an opportunity to give didn’t just present itself each and every day?

I wonder things like, for someone like me, who doesn’t leave their home much, who stays on the couch, who has pain and other issues. How can I give? I don’t have much money. What do I have? Well, I think we all have a lot.

I think I have a house full of stuff I don’t need.  I have my eyes and my heart perched for giving opportunities.  Yesterday for instance I had my gift planned for the new years first day, the care2 website. Then I found out a new friend of mine was having a sale on her website. Ah-ha, and opportunity to give, I let people know about her wonderful site and her wonderful sale. Do you know anyone in business for themselves in this tough economy? Do all your friends know about your other friends businesses? Is there someones business that you can promote through word of mouth advertising? If so you have another opportunity to give. Maybe it’s just a friend who needs to sell a couch, tell some other friends, ask around, anyone looking to buy a couch. You may help two people, someone needing to sell a couch, and someone needing a couch.

Yesterday a friend was worried about some potential healing/scarring, and I realized I had some special scar bandages I don’t need and likely won’t use, they’re relatively costly. So that inspired today’s gift, which is mailing her the scar pads.  As I said before, I have a feeling I have a house full of stuff I don’t need.

So today has left me curious. Will the universe unfold in such a way that opportunities to give will present themselves everyday? I wonder if more gifts will find their way to be given through me today. I hope so.

This is something I’ve been giving a lot of thought to. I’ve decided I want to undertake a special project for 2009. A year of giving. A year where I make a conscious effort to engage in at least one thoughtful act of giving each and every day. I’d like to invite you to consider your own impact on the world. On the effect of making small changes in how we move through the world. I think often we don’t think of, our underestimate our personal power, our ability to affect the world around us and to create meaningful changes in the world. Individually every little decision we make can add up to big changes. Our choices and actions can have powerful consequences for positive and meaningful change. I encourage everyone to think about being the change they want to see in the world.

I would like to start my year of giving with a small but symbolic act. I chose this act of giving for my first because I think it can demonstrate how by working together, how very very little effort, very little time, and no personal cost, right now, you and I can be a part of a number of big changes. Really think on this. Don’t under estimate the power of small acts and actions.

It’s as simple as this, bellow is a ‘click to donate’ website.  How it works is charities get advertising sponsors who will donate to that charity on behalf of people that ‘click’ to donate. Simple as that. Your donation, your click… the sponsors give a few pennies, sometimes only a fraction of a cent, sometimes as much as dime. Very little. How much difference does this make?… Millions. You think what difference does a few pennies make? All the difference.  These sites tell you what impact your click makes and will tell you combined how much difference people have made together.  Doing something so small, so simple. The lesson is this if we all take the time to just give a tiny bit more. It doesn’t take a lot. It doesn’t take great sacrifices.  This is not about big heroic acts. This is about becoming aware that all our little actions have big consequences as they fold in to the weft and weave of the fabric that is life.  Millions of people making a tiny change, adds up to an enormous change. It changes worlds. It saves lives. Your tiny little clicks come together with my tiny little clicks, and a few more, and hundreds more, thousands more, millions more… and all of a sudden we’ve changed the world.  Many of these websites show the total of money raised so far. As you click through with me, be really aware of what changes YOU are making.

I challenge you and encourage you to take some time each day to think about your impact on the world. To look for opportunities to give. To realize how every cent, every click, every smile, every breath you take, every gift you give of yourself impacts the entire world around you. One person at a time, one small gift at a time.

Join me in a year of giving.

Click to donate at Care2

It may not seem like much, the point is not about making grand extravagant gestures. What makes a difference in life is not always about huge acts of consciousness. The point is how we live the ordinary lives we already live is important. All the little things you do every moment of every day changes our world. All your little decisions are the important decisions. It’s about deciding to move through the world with the conscious awareness of our personal power to create and to change the world around us.  How you talk to others, how you look at others, what you say, if you smile, if you decide to leave a tip, pay a compliment, buy a friend lunch, listen to someone who needs to talk, tell someone you care, appreciate someones hard work, recycle something… all these little things, are what makes up the fabric of our lives. This project is about me exploring my own consciousness around being and giving.

There are no acts of giving too small, no acts of giving that are unimportant. Every person can affect change in the world. It doesn’t matter how you choose to do it, but take the time, today, and every day, to be a little more aware of what impact you are having on the world around you. On letting yourself be aware of what opportunities to give have presented themselves for you to take advantage of, to make the right choice, the giving choice.

Day 1 – Today I gave an hour of my time joining the care2 website and ‘clicking to donate’ through Care2.  In doing so I have:

- reduced one lb of carbon/greenhouse gasses.
- saved some small area of rain forest.
- helped baby seals.
- helped keep pollutants out of the ocean.
- helped contribute to jaguar habitat.
- supported the Jane Goodall Institution for primates.
- helped support a boy named Jorge have food and education for a month.
- helped the humane society.
- helped stop violence against women.
- helped raise breast cancer funds.

I’ve also got lots of great information and leads from the Care2 site on ways I can fill my year with giving. I’ve joined Care2 and my name on there is LeilaRaven if you join, feel free to add me as a friend.

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” ~Leo F. Buscaglia

P.S. A friend of mine is having a sale… Cherry Blossom in Blue, lots of amazing collectables. She has a few pieces up that I think are amazing, snuff bottles, which I love, and unique little goodies of all kinds. I love to browse online, you should check it out if you have a chance, you may find something irresistable.

I saw a really neat scientific study in a documentary program last night. They had research subjects hold a pen in their mouth and then use that pen to circle a number between one and five to rate a stack of funny jokes. Half the subjects were asked to hold the pen in their teeth, and pull back their lips so they didn’t touch the pen. The other half were asked to hold the pen in their pursed lips. The subjects had no idea what the study was for. All they knew was they had to use the pen held in their mouth as directed to circle the numbers to rate the jokes.

What the scientists were studying was the theory that smiling can make you happy and frowning can make you unhappy. They realized though that if people thought they were being asked to ‘smile’ or ‘frown’ it would have an influence on their mood. However, holding the pen in their mouth with just their teeth used the same muscles as smiling in the same way, and holding it in the lips used the same muscles as frowning in the same way. So the subjects were actually rating jokes while either smiling or frowning, un-unbeknown to them. Sure enough the group holding the pen in the teeth, smile position, found the jokes really funny. The ones holding in the lips, frown position, thought they were really bad jokes and not funny at all.

Want a quick mood boost. Smile, smile often and regularly, if you can’t remember to smile… every once in a while hold something between your teeth. Force a smile, just line those pearly whites up and pull your lips make. Let the feeling flow from your mouth over your whole body.

I think there’s a bigger lesson here. We create our own happiness in the world. Don’t under estimate the little things, the tiny little simple things… that’s where life’s great secrets and powers reside. In a smile. Not only that, but smiles are catching. You have the power to not only light up your own life for a moment, but bring it to someone else as well.

Pull out that camera and get your loved ones to say ‘cheese’… tell a joke, or just smile.

The snow started falling last night and it hasn’t stopped since. It’s beautiful, I’m happy to be inside though. I took a few photos, the one of the tree top is the tree across the street, I took the photo from inside my living room out the picture window. The branches with berries lean over the fence from our neighbours and I crept out on our snow covered back porch in my bare feet to snap them.

A couple of nights ago we went to pick up a kitten for an early xmas present for me… we ended up coming home with two kittens. Brother and sister from two different litters. Boo, is a pale ginger boy, he was born Aug 26th 2008, Tea is a black female, born Oct 1st 2008. They’re adorable.

I know I can’t please all of the people all of the time, and I’m not really trying to… I think. LOL.

I’ve written a lot about, mostly quoted and giving links to experts writing on, recognizing predators in terms of people who are narcissistic and/or sociopathic/pyschopathic etc.

Why? Because I tried to think about where the risks were in our community to people, where the conflicts come from, where the hurts come from, and how to try to address that stuff.

I figure the best way to help people is to help them help themselves. Try to encourage people to get interested in reading about and researching for themselves what warning signs to look for in others in order to keep themselves safe.

This approach has not gone over well with everyone. I think there are some people in the community, paranoid or not, or accurate or not, who think I’m talking about them, or implying them. Or they think that even if I’m not it creates fear, paranoia and labelling or isolating others. Not at all what I want to do. I’m not sure about this even though, as like most information, the information that the information I’ve been giving out hasn’t gone over well with some others is gossip from mutual friends, so again, open to interpretation. Not that I don’t believe them, just that these things are subjective.

Oddly enough the people I hear have been griping are actually people in the community I know for a fact have been horribly victimized in the past by a narcissistic predator. You would think these are the people that would most want other people to learn the warning signs in what to look for to avoid being taken in.

I’m not sure if there is a better way to try and help others in the community to protect themselves from people who would harm them. I’m definitely open to ideas. It’s something that concerns me a lot. We have had predators of the narcissistic and psychopathic kind in our community before. They have done damage to people I know. I knew while they were using others and lying to others that they were doing so.

One such person many years ago now, and at the time I remained on friendly terms with this person, still am polite when I occasionally run into him over the years. I know dozens of people men and women who have spat venom when recounting lies and hurts done to them by him. I did not ‘warn’ these people at the time. They were my friends. I wasn’t taken myself, despite a few attempts at my flesh and my wallet. I knew I couldn’t trust him, I knew what warning signs to look for. I knew what he was capable of. I didn’t know until later what damage he was actually doing, what lies he was telling, the details, hindsight. I knew enough though to know to protect myself. I didn’t know how to protect anyone else.

I still don’t.

I know I don’t believe in telling people ‘hey, so and so is a such and such’. a) it doesn’t work, especially because usually the person that need that information the most already adore this person. This is the biggest reason. Telling them doesn’t work they won’t listen. b) I could be wrong. Yes, I have a masters degree in psychology and I’ve been professionally trained to diagnose people. I can make mistakes. These are not clients. I don’t have all the information. I could be wrong. c) It’s malicious gossip, wrong or right. I’m saying bad things about someone. I don’t like doing it. d) I’m not teaching anyone how to take care of themselves. It’s the analogy of giving a hungry person fish instead of teaching them to fish. Which is extra silly because this hungry person is not going to eat this particular fish (see point a).

My approach in all the psycho-babble around personality disorders and predators is trying to teach people to fish. It’s NOT trying to imply that a specific party or parties in our community are specific types of predators.

Are there psychopaths and narcissists in our current community. You bet, they’re everywhere. Not alarmist, just fact. A certain percentage of the population. In any given group of people you will find a few, it’s a given. Do I know who they are? There are some people I suspect of having personality issues, yes. Are there people I currently know of who have hurt people I currently care about, yes. Will I tell you who they are? and what I’ve heard? No.

A lot of people disclose to others the names of people in the community they felt have hurt them or slighted them or hurt others they care about. I don’t do it. I already mentioned my reasons why. Besides that’s not really going to help you. Also, my opinion sucks. Yup, that’s right. It’s your opinion that’s important not mine. I don’t want you to think how I think, feel how I feel, like who I like, dislike who I dislike, trust who I trust, distrust who I distrust. Why not? I don’t know… honestly, I’m not wired that way. I like people having their own opinions, ideas, friends, and feelings. I find life more interesting that way. In fact not only do you not have to like who I like and dislike who I dislike to be my friend. I’m more likely to be interested you in a friend if we have… differences! I’m bored with my own company. Diversity rocks.

But back to the my opinion sucks thing. Honestly. I make up my own mind about things. I like it that way. I don’t like other people making up my mind for me. I try to encourage other people to make up their own minds for themselves. It’s egocentric thinking, but I assume if it works for me, and it’s my preference, it’s probably yours too.

What’s my evil agenda in sharing this information? Same as always. I think a lot. I talk in blogs a lot about what I think about a lot. It makes me happy to think in typing, it helps me sort my feelings on the world. I think it might be valuable to other people to understand where other people come from.

So this is my direction. I’ll share it. You share yours. Maybe we’ll find ourselves on the same path for a while.

I have such a hard time with interpersonal conflict. In that I’m very sensitive and it gets me cycling in my head to ‘fix things’ so everybody is happy, healthy, and not in conflict. The reality is, that’s not real. Conflict happens. Conflict happens with people we care about, it happens with strangers. We all see the world differently, we all move through the world differently.

My struggle is in part accepting I can’t be everyone’s friend. I can’t help everyone. I can’t heal everyone. Conflicts happen that I can’t resolve. Often I’m faced with options in relationships that suck. No matter what you choose, there is something you value that you lose. That is a crappy place to be in. Sometimes those decisions are agonizing to make. I have to try and focus on taking care of myself first, I have to respect and honour my own values, my own beliefs, my own limits. Otherwise how can I truly value others. When those values conflict with someone else’s, it’s challenging. Sometimes knowing what the right thing to do is hard, and even once you sort it out for yourself what you feel the right thing is, doing it is still hard.

I have to give myself permission to not beat myself up over those decisions, but still honour that because of the nature of who I am, they will always cause me much pain.

I love the world too much. I know the world will never love me back as much. But that’s okay. It’s just the way I am, and it’s just the way of the world.

Zephyr wrote “Hiya Katt. I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better. I too have recently been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Fuck, it bites. It’s actually harder to deal with than RA, I find. My movement and strength are getting better, but how the hell do you get the pain levels to decrease over time? I can temporarily decrease the pain with showers, hot packs, drugs, etc. but my pain levels are still through the roof. It doesn’t help that I’m sleeping on a couch right now either. Bah.”

I’m sorry to hear you got hit with fibro too. That sucks. I’ve talked to a few people and done a whole whack of research and it seems there is a lot of variation in how it hits people, how hard, and what works. One of the universals I’ve seen recommended over and over is light exercise, particularly in the water. It can hurt in the moment, but is supposed to make a difference over time. You have to be really careful not to over-do anything though. In terms of medications, etc. I haven’t found anything yet that works for me in doing more than just taking the edge off. I take tylenol, toridol, flexerol, for pain but it just takes some of the pain for me, maybe 25%, I usually only bother if it’s interfering with sleep and it can make enough of a difference to help me fall asleep. I’ve tried a few different meds that work for some people, like gabapentin ( neurotin) and pregablin (lyrica) neither did very much for me. I’m trying cymbalta next. The medications that target seratonin in the brain seem to work best for managing some of the pain of fibromyalgia. I also take omega 3 & 6 supplements, high b12 supplements, and a lot of other stuff, lol.  Getting as good sleep as possible is really helpful.  Light stretching is good too, especially back, shoulders and neck.

Here’s a couple of links I found the other day that I found interesting and helpful. It gives me more things to try, which gives me hope.

Specialist on chronic fatigue and fibro’s suggestions This says Chronic Fatigue at the top, but many Dr.’s feel they are the same illness, he also goes on to talk about fibro in the article as well.

Support Site with lots of good info. The article above I found on this site.

We move in the direction of our expectations is one of the tenets of Adlerian Psychology.

Our world views shape our experiences. Our beliefs about the world play a large part in forming our experiences. When we have strong beliefs our mind does it’s best to maintain those beliefs. Whether your belief is ‘women are bitches’ ‘men are untrustworthy’ ‘I am unlovable’ ‘people are stupid’, or anything really, your brain will do it’s best to maintain and enforce those beliefs.

There are a number of ways we do this. One of the main ways we do this is by engaging with people who will re-enforce our belief. We will tend to be attracted, consciously or more likely unconsciously, to people that will re-enforce what we already believe. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. What we believe is what we attract and what we are attracted to. This is often why we find negative repetitive patterns in our lives. Often this core belief developed from childhood when something negative occurred, it created a world view, a belief about the world or about people, men, or women, or self, and then we go through life confirming our theory.

The other part of this, is we will be super sensitive to anything that will confirm our beliefs. We will be consciously or more likely unconsciously, constantly looking for evidence from others that what we believe is true. We’ll tend to see what it is we’re looking for in order to validate our underlying beliefs. Instead of seeing the big picture when looking at people or situations we will focus on those details that confirm our world views.

Another aspect of this is that we will take direct actions in order to manipulate events so that our beliefs are validated. We will self-sabotage. This is usually completely unconscious. We will behave in ways that influence others to meet our expectations, taking actions to push others into the expected behaviours. If they are unable to be manipulated to fit the belief, they are usually passed over and more energy and attention is focused on people who do fulfill those beliefs.

Why do we do this? It comes from those events that shaped the belief originally, and wanting to be safe from them recurring, ironically, it does the opposite. The idea is almost if see the danger coming, we’ll protect ourselves, instead we’re looking so hard for that danger that instead of avoiding it, we find what we’re looking for.

What do we do with these beliefs? Let go of trying to find an empirical truth in them, as long as we’re focused on that element of the belief we will continue to make it true, for us. Instead, we need to honestly ask ourselves is this belief working for me? is it helping me, or is it hindering me?

If you can, try something else on for size. ‘Women are wonderful’, ‘men are trustworthy’, ‘I am lovable’, ‘people are smart’, or anything really, your brain will do it’s best to maintain and enforce those beliefs. We have the power to create wonderful things in our lives.

Live in Love