Pain Day

Leila Raven Post in General
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It’s not too hellacious, but it’s bad enough, that I’m pretty much stuck laying in my recliner all damn day.  Which is making me a bit whiney and pissy.

There’s so many fun things I could be doing, or practical things, I’d even settle for necessary things right now, like getting up and getting something to eat.. lol.

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Erzuli dances

Leila Raven Post in General
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I’ve been doing a lot of this lately. Taking incredible joy in the beauty and the love in these perfect bundles.  I’ve also been enjoying the garden and Wolfe’s efforts to help me transform it into the dream garden I have in my imagination.

Connecting with nature, with puppies and plants, gardens, etc… the spring in bloom, and the influx into my life as of late people with a strong spiritual core, has awakened a spiritual spring of my own within me.

I think trial by pain, has been a part of my … re-awakening… as well.

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I wonder

Leila Raven Post in General
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If ones reality is a lot of pain and tears, should that reality be shared?… or should it remain hidden? I snapped this the other day when I was hurting emotionally while responding to a message.  Part of it is trying to accept myself as an imperfect person, as a real person, as my own person. The whole range of my experiences.  To document my reality, highs and lows, is something I’ve been doing for over a decade now.

Sometimes I’ve walked down the street looking sad, or mad, or something, had some guy say hey, you’re pretty, you should be smiling.  I’m like what?… Do I have an obligation to the world to be always aesthetically pleasing, always happy, always the most enjoyable facade presented?

I wonder what it would be like to trade lives with different people for a week at a time.

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This may as well have been written by me…

Leila Raven Post in General
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(I know, the pics a bit freaky, I took it the other day, but I like how the light washed me out)

The following is copyright of www.fibrohugs.org Written by Ronald J. Waller.

Someone shared it with the fibro group here on FetLife today and it resonated very strongly with me and my experiences with fibromyalgia.

The Letter To Normals Hello Family, Friends, and Anyone Wishing to Know Me,

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Pain, plants and progress.

Leila Raven Post in General
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It’s a challenging day so far. I’m having a lot of pain and weakness still.

I had to go out yesterday just for a very short bit, for my mental/emotional health, though it was a strain on my body. We took a very short trip to Minter Garden’s garden store, and looked at all the lovely things for inspiration. It was a short walk through before I had to leave, but it was nice just to be out. We can’t afford much right now, so we’re looking for freebies for the garden, but it was still nice to browse even though we didn’t purchase from there.   More »

I feel small.

Leila Raven Post in General
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Snuggling with puppies may be one of the main things keeping me going these days!

Pain has slowed me down and regressed me. It’s made me fuzzy and tired. So exhausted from the fibro. So physically and mentally and emotionally exhausted.

I went back to FetLife. It was hard. But people there were making assumptions about me and those I care about, publicly, and yes, I was sucked back in trying to defend myself and others. Hoping to maybe make some difference. I don’t know if I have the energy. More »

Red Flags…

Leila Raven Post in General
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Some people are completely incapable of spotting them in people they would like to believe better of. I’m often like that myself… so I can’t fault people for it. I see stuff, and like to hope it’s indicitave of a best case scenario than worst. I give people the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately. When people who are attractive, charismatic, and have power, are the danger, it is even more likely we really want to give people the benefit of the doubt, and think the best of them. More »

What a wonderful day

Leila Raven Post in General
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(More recent puppy photos after the break)

What a wonderful day with my girl.

I got to creep in bed with her this morning and snuggle and play a bit. She seemed to need a little perking up… the ice cube helped lots!!!

We ran around and did some great shopping at garage sales and thrift stores and even off of Craigslist where we went to buy a pair of chaps for mouse, and instead, discovered other things for sale… and mouse came away with two amazing black leather corsets and a matching corset mini skirt. All those big juicy curves tightly laced into yummy leather… PURRRRRR!!!!!

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Feeling better

Leila Raven Post in General
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Happy, as I sit in my recliner blogging after a long busy day, a long busy day with minimal pain.  Which is a treat beyond belief.  I have a different combination of medication that seems to be making a real difference, at least for now.

Now I’m going to go to bed and dream about all the wonderful things to come over the rest of the weekend!

XO

trying to sort it out…

Leila Raven Post in General
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When I look at half the rumours started about me and others, it seems much of the time those lies are actually based on people having mistaken assumptions and perceptions. People look at a situation, and fill in the blanks… incorrectly.  I guess I just don’t understand why people jump to negative conclusions about others and their motivations.  I guess it makes sense to them in someway. I tend to assume the best of people until proven otherwise. Respect is given as an automatic until someone erodes away at it. I don’t hold grudges. I’m not generally suspicious of people, I tend to think good of others.

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Focusing on beauty

Leila Raven Post in General
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One of the things in life that brings me great joy is beauty.  Beauty is an interesting concept. It can refer to something very superficial and commercial, especially in our modern era where beauty is made a commodity.  But for me beauty is a deep and complex concept… yet very simple, all at the same time.

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Mad world

Leila Raven Post in General
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I was scared there for a little bit, started to slide back into the abyss, and was worried I was going to fall and fall and fall. Loved ones helped pull me through, and some medication changes too. It’s amazing what chronic pain can do to your brain sometimes.  I’m still not feeling great, but I’m feeling steady… stablized, remarkably safe, considering the pain, the depression, the anxiety.

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Taking emotional inventory

Leila Raven Post in General
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It feels weird, to be cut off from FetLife. I’d pretty much moved all my blogging there over the last little while. There is many things about the FetLife community that I miss, and hopefully I’ll be able to go back to it when I’m feeling better. Wolfe is helping me do good self care and my access to websites that have the potential to upset or trigger me have all gone bye-bye lol. So If I try to pull up those sites on my browser I just get blank pages.  Is all that really necessary? … er, yes.  Might as well grasp the full fact now, I’m a grown adult incapable of caring for myself properly, there you have it.

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