Dec. 3. 2002 - Winter
Well, we're into December, and it's been quite a while since I've written a journal entry. Honestly I've had a very down period the last few weeks, and struggling with my depression. I think part of it is seasonal, and I'm working to keep my spirits up.
It's odd because there seems to be many things I can continue doing and focusing on, that are helpful distractions for me, and other things that are really hard to wrap my head around.
I think journaling has been hard, because usually when I do, I connect with my feelings more, and since that is an area which I'm struggling with right now, it's easier to focus on other less intimate aspects, and more controlled aspects of the website work.
Also to take on projects that I feel less pressure around, like the yahoo groups I've created and been playing in.
It's been nice to connect with people there, if only I could get them -all- over here, in the forums. Though a lot of that is my own fault as I haven't been putting the efforts into the forums that I could be.
Oops... none of that negative self talk, trying to catch myself on that. I have been doing lots of photos, if you've been checking the sites for what's new that's been going up. There has been loads of new content everywhere.
Making images is always a therapeutic process for me. I love it, especially seeing it on the screen and playing with the colors, contrasts, hues, framing it, making it totally mine.
Here are some little tastes of some of the things I've been doing over the last couple of weeks It doesn't include all the shoots, because their have been too many, but it's a sampler of a few of them:
I did a shoot in a new kimono I had made, with a wig that's new as well, black with white streaks, and the kimono is black and white. I absolutely love that kimono, my tailor made it for me to specks, and I picked out the fabric. So I shot a bunch of galleries in it, some just for the regular Erotimania BBW area, and then I shot a few foot fetish galleries in it as well, where I get creative with noodles, chopsticks, and my feet!
I've also started playing with dolls... well, with little men. I've gotten into the whole role play of giantesses. It started via the foot fetish site doing point of view images, and then I had some correspondence with those who liked to role play as little men. So I decided to get little men dolls, figurines, etc, or sometimes just collage images together, to make giantess images.
Here's one with a little figurine...
Oh dear.. as you can see, he's um, well, this particular muscular action figure came with a inner clamping system so he could get a firm hold on well, whatever you would want to clit, er I mean clip him on.
The other style, I use is with the collage, fusing images together...
You get the idea.. though this particular image is a little desolate. Well, what do you expect from someone with some pretty heavy down periods on occasion.
I've done more, some in the bath for the bbw fans, some more in the bath for the footsie folks...
And so on, and so on... there's more lots more, it seems like I take pictures almost every second day. Wolfe can't keep up with putting them up on the sites!
On the other hand, I got all gung ho about doing cam shows again, did a few, looked at the quality of the images we get, and threw in the towel. That though is totally temporary. We're going to spend all our website savings (what little there are) donations (even less) and money for Christmas, cut out a few luxuries, and splurge on a new computer, which we'll be buying this week. Then we'll work on setting up full screen streaming live cam. And then. I know. I'll be motivated to do cam shows, since people will be looking at more than just this teeny tiny little poor quality image moving about. I'll be practically life size! <ha ha>
Unfortunately it won't let us take captures from the live shows, full size, but Wolfe assures me that we can record it as 'video' and then I can take stills from that, but, that means learning a new set of software manipulating skills, and that is just about enough to send me running for the bed covers right now.
Things haven't changed all that much in some ways since this time last year, you see, I still want a puppy for Christmas. I know, I know, I got one last year. But, I want another. Iggy really thrives on other doggy company, even though he's a huge people suck too, and we just found out that his mother gave birth to a litter of his brothers and sisters.. same stud. So, the puppies should be adoptable in January. If there is a little brindle one again... oh dear. Well. My odds aren't good, Wolfe is saying he's 10% pro, and 90% con in favor of another dog. But! a one in ten chance still gives me hope!
I've talked to Iggy about it, and he's been practicing his 'please daddy can I have a little brother or sister look' What do you think? Effective? We're hoping it will increase the odds. He says he'll make sure to give the 'look' to Wolfe at least 3 or 4 times a day.
The only thing sweeter than one piggy puppy, is two piggy puppies.
When I first got him, he was so small, now he's about 25 lbs of stocky muscled lovey chubb. It's hard to believe how much he's changed, and how much he's stayed the same over the year. I think he'll always have that baby faced puppy look. People never believe he's a full grown dog, they usually think he's some kind of boxer cross puppy or some such.
Okay, now I'm going to make you suffer with memories of baby pictures:
I couldn't resist. Hard to take a crisp picture of him back then though, because if his eyes were open, he was moving!
Okay, I think I've bombarded you with enough images for the day, maybe it will make up for my lack of entries as of late. Hopefully I'll keep up a bit more with December's entries.
XO
Katt
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