Nov. 20. 2002 - Abstinence
Well, it's been a long time since I've written. I've had another down slump emotionally, which relatively speaking has been mild compared to previous slumps. Essentially, I just had to cut back on some of my commitments, my journal, and doing the cam shows I had planned to start up again, was where I was feeling most pressured, so I decided to take care of number one first, and take a break from that. I think I am going to hold off on the cam shows until we get the new computer (We're saving for it for Christmas, going to pool site profits and our Christmas money) which we've decided will be our Christmas/Solstice present to ourselves and one another. Seeing the results of the current cam shows, and knowing how... well, crappy, the quality is compared to what we will be doing, isn't inspiring. I feel like I'm wasting my time, when soon we can have full screen quality images, and the captures will be so much better quality too. Then I know, I'll be super motivated, because I'm very motivated to do photo shoots, because the images I get are things I can work with creatively, and I know I'll feel the same way about the cam shows, and the stills I get from them as well.
The journal, well, it's hard to write about things when I'm down. It's hard to express what's happening in me when the depression starts to backslide. I've been writing in the yahoo groups I opened, and replying to emails, but that's different, there is a structure there that allows me to keep thoughts and words about my feelings in regard to my depression at bay. Writing in the journal is free form so that those thoughts and ideas push out looking for a venue of expression. Which is likely ultimately healthy, but in darker moments, frightening.
So I've been abstaining from my journal, but I think I'm ready to re-embark on a regular course of writing. I don't want to get into the depression stuff though. I get to do that in therapy. <smile>
I do want to get into little mundane things like, stockings and lingerie...
I do so love the colour red. You can't get a very good look at it in this picture, just the back panel, but I made (and I don't sew) my own red garter belt. It involved hand sewing, which I can do, and my own simple design. I bought all the necessary ingredients at the local fabric store, and I was quite proud of the results. So I put on all red lingerie, from stockings, to garter belt, to thong, to camisole, topped it off with a red wig, and lolled on my orange bed against my red bedroom walls, and had a very red hot photo shoot.
I've been so into lingerie and stockings, nylon, pantyhose lately, that I think they are going to become a big component of my foot fetish site. Maybe eventually branching out into a specialty site of their own. Just like I've been playing with so many CD's and trans girls in my BDSM shoots, that I'm thinking I may one day branch out and have a trans/CD website. But those would be things to come in a year or two, when the content there has been built, and the other sites well established.
The other thing we are seriously looking into investing in, is our own personal ads site, which we would run for free, at least probably for the first 6 months to a year. The problem is finding the right script. We want a lot of options, because we want to be a specialty personal ads site that has areas for people with very specific interests and fetishes, for people into head shaving, into foot fetish, into cross dressing, trans people, etc, have a space. We need to be able to configure it for more than just 2 gender's for instance, and to be able to narrow down scopes of what people are looking for.
Being involved in fetish specific websites, we've really noticed a need for personal ads to connect people looking for others with very particular interests.
Hopefully we can find a script, or someone to create one for us, within means we are able to come up with. Once we've emptied our 'website profits savings account' for the new computer so we can go streaming, it will be the next thing we will be saving website profits up for. So remember, your membership fees are getting used, not to keep us in fruit loops (my disability pension does that) but for Wolfe to update the websites.
That's all for now, I've got to ease back into these things, besides, we're going to go out to see the new Harry Potter movie this afternoon, I've read all the books (They were one of my fondest memories of when I was hospitalized was reading them) and we saw the first one. We're going to see the second movie this afternoon -before- the kiddies are released from school.
XO
Katt
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