April 3rd - Moving
Well, we've moved back into the condo, and have it mostly together here. No computer desk and chair yet, so now I'm computing from the bed. Where the cam is pointed.... so I will be on cam a lot more, just for daily living stuff, as the loft is so small it's easier to keep on cam while going about one's normal routine. Too bad we don't have a night cam, because Wolfe can't sleep with a light on.
The pics in this entry are just random grabs of me this evening as I'm sitting here working away.
I'm starting to feel a bit better and am hoping to do a photo shoot soon, and cam shows as well as just being on the cam all around more, and doing impulsive not scheduled fun and sexy stuff in front of the cam.
Right now I've got a wide red and black Mohawk. Though I need my sides shaved again, in the next couple of days, maybe we'll do pictures of it.
I can't seem to keep any one thing going on with my hair for very long. It's always changing. Though I think that can be a positive thing. Life is pretty challenging for me right now.
Having broken up with barbie, has had the effect of putting me in mourning mindset even more than I already was. I miss her, I miss her dog, and I'm reminded of her constantly. Sometimes it feels as if my heart breaks over and over and over again. I still know it was the best decision for me to make given my ability to cope with life in general right now. That everything needs to be kept pretty simple and as low intensity and low stress as possible. I know that the love I feel for her inside of myself, will always be there.
With my depression some times it feels as if I'm just going through the motions of having a life, I feel profoundly disconnected at times to the world around me. Some of that may likely be a part of the giant cocktail of medications they have me on. Though I have to say, it's better on them it seems, than not.
I can go out and play with friends, like the other weekend, when I participated as a performer in a 'peep show' booth at a local queer arts event, and then later that evening went to a BDSM play party and had fun paddling and punching and spanking an acquaintances bottom for the better part of an hour, but, even though I'm there in body and in mind, I still have this sense of surrealism that a large part of me is removed from the process of my daily living.
I need to find some passion within myself again, that's fueled in a healthy creative direction, through the websites, or through some other means of expression, but something that comes from within me and exercises my creativity and nurtures my emotional self.
Well that's all for today, still don't have the energy or motivation to search for a new recommended site, if someone has a suggestion for a few to check out, mail me the url's will ya!
XO
Kattclix here to vote for my journal please
Recommended this week :
Come on.... just a little something, money for tea?
for Christmas dinner? for toilet paper? for shaving cream?for a puppy?for oranges? for tampons? for paper? for Mr. Noodle? hooked on phonics lessons? for anti-depressants? For puppy food?For puppy kindergarten? For bankruptcy fees?for neutering costs?
