January 17 - Rebuilding
It's hard when you're climbing out (hopefully) of a depression, to figure out how best to put your life back together. Everything is in chaos, and it's like trying to take a sock that's full of holes, and darn it, but there is more hole than sock to work with, it just doesn't seem to come together as something manageable most of the time. Weird and crappy analogy just utilized, is a prime example of my crappy darning job, darn it.
I know also that it's going to take me a while now to deal with the loss of my friend. I'm just trying still to take life day by day, and set small realistic goals. Like take my medication, take a bath, eat something, take care of the puppy. Priorities are simple. Close to my list of things I want to do soon, and am not sure when I'll be able to take on are:
getting a -real- cam schedule up and running again and sticking to it.
going to the gym and getting some exercise every once in a while
going vegetarian (plus seafood, it's the sushi) again, I wanted it to be my new years resolution, but then my friend died and I got my period all in the same week and I drowned my sorrows in a steak, and McD's is a block away for depressed people who can't bare to cook and don't have much spending money. nasty.
re-do DominAction to have more of an E-zine style, with more information, including a section devoted to my lovely friend Butterfly who is a transitioning MTF. She's a very beautiful woman going through a remarkable experience, who wants to share, educate, and titillate people with her experience, and I want to help make that happen. We share similar fascinations with gender/queer issues especially in relationship to societal expectations, and imagery.
Work on my other site ideas, in particular the hair site, and the educational/therapy site.
Try to figure out when and how to return to 'work', a real job, other than this hobby 'job' which a) doesn't actually make me an income after expenses, and b) (thankfully) allows me to completely set my own pace, including doing nothing for long stretches of time, which is what my depression limits me to.
However, I am proud that I've been somewhat productive. I love to take photographs, and to pose for them, and we're still, at least, managing to create and add a great deal of content to both sites in the way of photo galleries, a lot more than many sites do, and it's all original content, so, that's something. I don't feel like I'm cheating my membership at least.
Actually, speaking of Butterfly above, I did two galleries of her solo the other night, and we have plans to shoot a lot more together her and I, not just her alone, but have Wolfe and/or barbie shoot her and I together in some domination scenes. I'd like to get into some more bondage play with her. As well, she can take a lot of punishment, and she's usually my target for the Domme side of my switch personality. Here's a sampling of one of the shoots I did of her the other night:
As you can see, she has a remarkable body. Changing all the time with the hormones she's taking, getting fuller and softer, we shot a lot to emphasize her growing curves. The thing I love about her is she's not trying to fit into someone else's idea of what a woman should be, she's butch, she's queer, she's got her own sense of style. She knows what she wants, and she's not afraid to go after it. I admire her a great deal. She has a beautiful array of tattoos and piercings, as well as fabulous fetish outfits, as well as being photogenic, so she's really interesting to work with as a model, there's always something for the camera to grab on to.
I also want to focus more on black and white photography, I'm going to do a couple of shoots of Wolfe tonight, and one of them will probably be black and white.
He shot one of me the other day that is very low saturation, almost black and white work, that should be going up soon as well, all of this stuff is very fresh, so the galleries aren't quite up on the sites yet. Butterfly's newest galleries are going up on DominAction, and the one of me (teaser bellow) is just a little soft core solo play and is going up on Erotimania.
I've also got a new recommendation for you below, for some interesting surfing, I'm feeling too lazy to give you a blurb, it's more photography, lots of black and white, lots of collaging, very interesting conceptions. The work has a lot of dream like imagery which is appealing to me right now. Happy Surfing, don't forget my pic of the day too in the treasure area, I know, I don't update it as often as I should, right now it's a beautiful one of Butterfly in her harness.
XO
Kattclix here to vote for my journal please
Recommended this week :
Come on.... just a little something, money for tea?
for Christmas dinner? for toilet paper? for shaving cream?for a puppy?for oranges? for tampons? for paper? for Mr. Noodle? hooked on phonics lessons? for anti-depressants? For puppy food?For puppy kindergarten? For bankruptcy fees?for neutering costs?
