January 1 - 2002
Well, the start of another year. It's been an unusual New Years for me. Usually Wolfe and I share a stroke of midnight kiss, and sometimes, if we're alone, it's much more than just a kiss. This year he was across country in Toronto, and I was amazed how much I missed bringing in the New Year with him. I was glad to have barbie here with me, and not to be alone, but barbie and I have had our conflicts as of late. I decided to try to sleep through the New Year, and woke slightly after midnight with the sounds of laughter, fireworks, and people cheering and yelling in the distance, with a puppy that had to pee right away from being woken from a deep sleep, and then, my first argument of the Year, not 15 minutes into it. So, I brought in the New year with dog piddling (thankfully outside) and fighting, yuck. No one to blame but myself really, it takes two to argue (sometimes I consider the possibility of having my vocal cords surgically severed). Fighting and conflict is one of the things my sensitive constitution can handle the least, especially with those I love, and I love barbie intensely.
On to happier and more positive things.
I grew up with the family tradition of New Years Resolutions, and I've always enjoyed them. It's always been a fun thing, setting goals and dreams for yourself. Creating a focus and a commitment based on what it is that you value. Nothing externally dictated, something you create personally for yourself, a guideline by which to explore, grow, improve. Some people groan at the thought of resolutions, that they're some nasty commitments you have to make to beat yourself into better shape, or that they're a corny useless process. Well, I've actually found them to be rather helpful in many ways. To me it's like the concept of an affirmation, it's creating a big goal inside of which to create many smaller goals to achieve that big goal.
So I have some pretty simple ones that I'm focusing on for the new year. I'm back to being veggie plus fish (there's a proper term for it, but I never bothered to memorize it, since you then have to explain what the term means anyways). Basically vegetarian, (non-vegan, lacto-ovo version) with the addition of seafood. Why seafood? I'm a sushi addict. A-d-d-i-c-t. Cannot live without raw fish in my diet, I'm tuna mad, among other things. So there you go. So as of today, Hoofed beasts and fowl friends are back out of my digestive tract. I ate that way for seven years actually, from 1993 to 2000, then something evil happened on the millennium, I had rare roast beef, and I went on a carnivorous splurge for the last 2 years, where I made up for seven years of lost time, my body is now begging me to go back to cleaner food. So here it is, two years exactly of meat frolicking are coming to an end, and I'm back to my old ways.
The other resolution for me is to get some exercise, just a little bit everyday, cardio, resistance, anything, and to build on it, till I have enough basic endurance and strength to resume martial arts. Though financially that may have to wait a while, at the least I'm going to be able to start practicing again what I already know on my own.
There are other things I've decided to do, though I don't really consider them on the scale of 'resolutions' which for me are major overhaul kinds of things, maybe they're like mini-resolutions:
I'm going to get Iggy and I to puppy kindergarten even if I have to sell my gold pocket watch that was handed to me on graduation from my mother (who knowing what it is to struggle with money, as she gave it to me, told me if I need or want to sell it, it won't hurt her feelings, so don't feel guilty if that comes up). She found it in a Salvation Army button box, she has a great eye for scavenging treasure (I got the bug from her and my dad, though they stick to the second hand stores, church bazaars, auctions, and garage sales, and haven't gotten to my level of dumpster diving). She paid 50 cents for it, then 50 dollars to have it professionally cleaned and appraised, and it's worth about 500. So, I have a feeling with our declaration of bankruptcy appointment booked for January 2nd, and what our budget is looking like after that, a number of little 'treasures' I have in my jewelry and memory box are going to go that way. We'll have nine months in the state of bankruptcy where half the rent our tenant in our condo gives us, will have to go to our debtors, well that means we'll be half short to pay our own rent, Somehow out of our tight budget, we'll need to create 400 dollars a month, that doesn't involve 'working' because then half of that money is also taken away. I think it will be food bank time, and cruising the produce dumpsters time this spring. Blech. Oh well, many have gone through much much worse. My priority is to not have to lose the condo, right now there is no equity into it, but the area is slowly starting to improve, and it's some security for our future, financially right now, the only little piece of security we have left. I'm going to damn well find a way to keep it.
So I guess another part of my new years resolutions should involve some more spiritual reconciliation with giving up attachments to material things, it will make the whole process easier, if I have to start selling things off.
That's another one of my mini-resolutions, is to focus more on the spiritual in my life, which means more meditation essentially, and connecting with nature, and paying greater focus to my state of mind in daily living, in my interactions with others, and with the world around me. More recycling, more reflection, more compassion, more connecting with the numinous moment by moment. Awareness of my choices, and their consequences. Embracing peace.
Well, I'm pooped out, I have to sit and make lists now, that's my resolution phase two. Grocery lists, to do lists, put aside things I can part with, decide on times to add activity or meditation to my day, try to create a little gentle structure, and to work that out on paper first. The paper process for me is helpful because it's like a symbolic transition from the conceptual to the actual. A mid-way step, when the ancients did it on the cave walls, we called it sympathetic magic - don't underestimate the power, of putting your dreams into symbolic form, before you actualize them.
Wishing everyone the very best in the New Year (and yay we get to do it all over again for the Lunar New Year! )
XO
Kattclix here to vote for my journal please
Recommended this week :
Erotic photography that comes with a manifesto. Beautiful, intense, passionate work, that brings together socio-politcal explorations of eroticism through images. This site is a feast not only for the eyes, but also for the mind. I haven't explored it completely yet, but so far I've loved everything I've laid eyes on. Don't miss out on this one. Erotic, exotic, evocative, this site makes me want to explore and challenge my creative urges.
Come on.... just a little something, money for tea? for Christmas dinner? for toilet paper? for shaving cream?
for a puppy?for oranges? for tampons? for paper? for Mr. Noodle? hooked on phonics lessons? for anti-depressants? For puppy food? For puppy kindergarten? For bankruptcy fees?