August 11th - BDSM & the broken bride
Tough day for me yesterday... So many feelings swirling around in regards to being poly, being bisexual, and being a switch.
Wanting to share so many things with the people I love.
It
would have been ideal for me to be attending the big Bi Conference in town this
weekend to help me sort out
some of these issues in a venue designed for it. Unfortunately, finances
has stood in the way of that.
I want
to explore so many things with my two partners, and trying to do that in a way
that is growth, health,
love and respect oriented can be challenging at times.
Some
times it can lead to feeling a little fragmented, a little shattered feeling.
Not knowing where to turn to find resolutions where everyone's needs can be met.
Or even if that is a realistic goal.
I'm married
to Wolfe, collared to barbie... and trying to build a life with both.
I'd like to be able to blur the lines, to play with Wolfe, to
build domestic tranquility
with barbie. To have my live flow and be free and open
and loving without
restrictions. Without people marking out territories of
where what love ends and
another begins. Especially when inside of me, those
things, those parts, are
intertwined.
I feel like my partners desires to create separations and distinctions have the
effect of
me feeling pulled apart inside my spirit.
It's
hard sometimes to wonder if it would be better simply to try and remove those
parts of me, like an
organ growing tumorous.
Though I know from my own and others experiences that such an action is
usually not possible, and even if it where... leaves one less than whole,
partial and scarred for ever. As one
turns away and closes doors on self, spirit, and sexuality.
I am
who I am... and I love who I love. And somehow within myself, and with
those loved ones, I need
to find resolution.
On another note...
I've been receiving some great emails lately, and some parts I just had to share... !
(By the
way, if you write me, if you can include a note saying whether I can quote you
or not, and if so,
whether with a name or anonymously, I would appreciate it).
One friend wrote me with:
Here's your thought for the day. Two of them actually...
I think life is like an amusement park. Between the time you come and the
time you go, you should try to ride as many rides as you want to and have as
much fun as you can...because that is why the park is there. If you sit on
the bench and watch everyone else ride the rides, you are missing out. So,
ride the rides.
Second thought is that you have to have pain to understand pleasure. It's
the difference between the two that define each other. The pain you have
today only sets up the great joy you will have tomorrow.
Another
wrote me with a thought for the day also, so I ended up with three thoughts for
the day...
T91 wrote me
with some helpful advice.. which I may actually give a try out... what do you
think?
Tip of the Day. When it rains again, instead of 30 minutes of walking in
the wet, you can walk around the bed with hat and leather chaps. Meanwhile
spread out two layers of trash bags on the bed. Put chocolate graham
crackers in between. Let (must be Dry!) dogs (borrowed if necessary) bounce
and roll on the bed. Keep them active for best aerobic effect. Finish
strutting and walking workout cracking whip every third circuit. Then use
crushed graham crackers as crust for chocolate or hazelnut chocolate graham
cracker pie. Don't forget the Cool Whip.
I'll
keep you updated, with what is going on for me this weekend...
We're still trying to sort it all out... Possibly a BDSM play party, possibly a
bi-dance
possibly a bbq. Or I may just hide away and avoid my relationship
building
responsibilities this weekend <sigh>
Who
knows.. maybe I'll just try out the above tip of the day....
XO
Katt