April 03

Feeling a wee bit better today, down still, expressing itself mostly in agitation today, so it's not going to be a very long journal entry, because sticking to any one thing for more than a minute or two is... grrrrrr.

So - Point form.... kind of.

Think about my ex-girlfriend lots, still, forever, love her, can't be with her, angst.

Starting to get sexual urges again, but feel like I'm 'out of practice' and 'out of touch' and oddly enough, not sure what to do with them... I know it would seem obvious.  It's not.

Stephen King writes such good weird macabre stuff, excellent for my warped mind and mood frame as it exists right now.

Was supposed to shoot pics of/with Angelle today, but cancelled yesterday as I was in crap land in my head.

Have been mailing cute peoples left right and center though, trying to dig up additional models.

Photography and photo-editing is something I'm really drawn to when I feel down and agitated in particular, but at the same time, I get really impatient with it.  So I can mostly just -think- about it today, and not actually do it.

Want to go to the BIO play party tomorrow night, if I'm feeling sane enough, not sure if I'll be up to play, just kind of want to be in that environment.

I stress about whether this mess of my mood disorder is going to allow me to have some semblance of a normal schedule, and ability to make enough commitments to be able to get through a day that isn't being run almost totally by my emotional state.

There is no possible way I could go back to a 9-5 job in this state, I can't commit to the responsibility of taking a damn bath everyday.

Okay, that's my depressed agitated stream of thought word barf, I'm back to bed.