February 16

Well, I decided not to go to the party last night after all, and my grandmother passed away yesterday.  

The girls (Aya and wife) came over last night though and kept some company, we just flaked out on the bed and talked about everything under the sun.  Mostly socio-political issues interrupted by episodes of base humour, like poop and fart jokes. We were mostly snuggle bunnies together.  I gave Aya's wife a jaw and temple massage at one point, and I also stuck a few acupuncture needles in her ear, for therapeutic purposes (hopefully), and then one in the center of her forehead/hairline for entertainment purposes (definitely).

They left around 2am, but I couldn't get to sleep till about 4am, I just woke up a little while ago, and it's almost 3pm.  I'm going to have a hard time dragging my ass out of bed tomorrow for therapy!

You know I'm pretty off my usual tempo when I don't even try to take pictures of Aya, usually any chance of getting her behind the camera I jump on.  It was nice though just to hang out together and chat, and laugh.  It's only after they left, and I was alone downstairs, that I allowed myself a little cry.  Hard to integrate the intensity of my feelings right now with the intensity of connecting with others.  It's unfortunate, that I've for a while now felt I have to keep myself emotionally distant in order to cope, from Wolfe, and from everyone.  It's an improvement though, as I'm slowly, with time and healing getting less emotionally distant from myself.

We're broke right now, and I hate it.  I hope money comes in soon, there's nothing worse than not wanting to eat anything that's in the house, and not being able to buy other food... grrr.  We have plenty of food to live on for the next few days until new monies come in, but it means eat what we've got, and not necessarily what I want, and what I want is comfort food.  I'm also just about out of my regular poison - diet caffeine free cola, and for some reason unbeknownst to science, that stuff keeps me sane.

I actually cleaned my house today.  This, is a big to-do. Wolfe has been doing the vast majority of everything for so long now, and regardless of my fluctuating moods, some of my energy seems to be returning.  Which is good.  I think I'm going to stick with the medication changes that I've made recently, but not make any more changes for a while, and just ride on where I am for now.  When I clean I use lots of essential oils, because they are such powerful disinfectants, but are not toxic, in fact the opposite, are beneficial, not to mention the fact that they smell so good.  

Well, this is going to be it for today, I have no new pictures to share, and I have not much else to say about my day.

Except maybe, learn a lesson from my loss, I do have the regret, that I didn't see more of my grandmother before she died, and that I didn't communicate with her, didn't tell her how much she meant to me, and how much I loved her.  Though I know, that she knew these things, and she was at peace.  They are things that would have enriched my life, and maybe hers as well.  If you have people in your life, that you haven't spoken with for too long, that you feel you can't reach out to now, because you've made the habit of -not- reaching out for what you think is too long.  Re-consider.  Even if it's been months or years, if you do nothing, they just turn into more months, more years, decades, then the person is gone.  Take the time to call or write, or send your love.  If you have it to give, give it.

XO
Leila

If you have it to give, give it.

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