January 9

The very first entry at my new journal location, the pillow book.  I'm overjoyed at this new home.  I couldn't believe it when I discovered that the url was available!  The pillow book as a concept is well known, and then there have been movies and books in regards to it.  It's something that represents me very well.  Even though I am not of Japanese origin, I have always loved many things of Japanese origin.  My home decor like this journal is decorated with many Asian elements, I've never had a cyber space that feels more like me.  I think that's why I decided to put my full name to these musings, and not the cyber name Katt that I've used for so long.  It's a name that I feel is mine, like a common nickname, it's been used for me so often, and in real life with many I have met through the internet, that I'll turn my head in a crowd to 'Katt!' as quickly as I will to 'Leila!'.  People are free to think of me as either, it matters not to me. 

I've had a really good last few days, my mood seems to be improving, my depression seems to be lifting a bit.  A month ago I was having Wolfe code and upload all my journals, and now, I'm well enough that I put together this entire site on my own.  I'm proud of it, and of myself.  Though with depression that can be a bit of a trap, because then when you do fall to those deep depths again, you feel if you had the right to feel pride when you were doing well, then perhaps you should feel guilt when you're doing poorly.  It makes no sense to take only credit for the successes and then blame the lows on biology.

I had a lovely lunch yesterday with Joni, Joni is a sweet sweet darling baby girl, living in the body of a grown man.  In the kink scene, this is known as an adult baby, or more technically for some as infantilism.  Given my depressive mood, and the work I'm doing now on gathering my own mental health together, Joni and I are currently friends, who are working towards having a Mommy-baby girl relationship in the future.  We've decided to view this period as gestation, and nature will take it's course, when it feels right, the birth of this new relationship will break into being.  Joni has treated me to lunch a couple of times now at this amazing restaurant, that has these dreamy succulent lemon crepes which we share for dessert, They're tart, tangy and sweet, they don't come with whip cream, but we ordered them that way, because I really really love whip cream.  It's the simple things in life sometimes that make a moment perfect.  Two people accepting one another for exactly who they are, with all their limitations, vulnerabilities, open, over a plate of lemon crepes.  I couldn't have my dominatrix hat on yesterday, I wasn't 'Domme Mommy' having lunch, I was tender, shaky, vulnerable, a little off center yesterday.  A year ago this time, someone very near and dear to me passed away tragically and unexpectedly and it's something I'm still mourning.  Joni, aware of all of this, an intelligent and sensitive individual, was understanding, and supportive, and is complex enough a person, that can accept all the corners of my current depression and vulnerability, and not have it detract from the 'Domme Mommy' I am, or am to be.  Rather, I think it makes it all the more real.  I'm not someone who wears their roles or 'hats' as I like to say, in life, casually.  When I do something I do it with depth, and I do it with my whole being.  If I can't if it's not someone or something I really am, then I don't do it.  I'd only be cheating myself and others if I did.  I would rather then make my apologies and move on.  I have no more patience in life for living any lies.

The night before yesterday, I had my friend Aya (or Mistress Aya as you prefer) over for a photo shoot.  I didn't think I was up for anything that evening, but she had called and suggested doing pictures, and I was quickly won over by the idea.  I love doing photos, and Aya is so much fun to pose with.  We laugh, and laugh, and have a very good time.  She's a very sexy lady, and so is her wife.   Wolfe doesn't do submission, well, only very rarely for photos, but his heart isn't in it.  We preferred to play with a true submissive, so I dialed one up.  I wonder if that's a significant tell about the state of my life right now, that I can hunt down a submissive to bottom in a photo shoot within a half hour.  I was like, okay, here's a list of eager boys who like to do what we want to shoot, and, here's the closest one location wise who has a cell phone, and voila.  I could hear when I called he was in a noisy place, a bar perhaps, with friends, but whatever excuses he made, he was over here naked in bondage for photos in very short order.

Before he arrived, I posed with Aya, with her Dominating me, as I do switch, and like to sub on occasion.  Wolfe did the bondage, using black vet wrap (re-stick-able bandage made for treating animals that comes in all colours, sticks only to itself, and not to skin or hair, inexpensive, and lovely stuff for mummification or quick restraint). She then proceeded to physically dominate me, sitting on my face.

  

I have to say, that girl smells goooooooooood.  It's been entirely too long since I've had my nose buried in girl parts.  Aya is someone who has a lot of natural fresh body odor, armpits, pussy, everywhere, but she wears it very well, it never smells offensive, only musky and sensual.   Or maybe that's just because I've developed a penchant for girl raunch <smile>.  I had a hard time breathing under her, and I loved the smothering, mild asphyxia occurring, which was as much from my shallow excited breathing as from having my face sat on.

We then proceeded to have a little 'tea party' or probably better described as a fruit party, since we had fruit, and not tea, but the concept of a tea party suited it much better.  Aya's wife, a bio girl, joined us, and I became the table. 

I did get fed some banana, but it was rather messy.

Then subby boy arrived, I was bondage free and in top space in no time, and Aya and I had a chance to work him over a little bit.  A very little bit, enough to get some fun photos going mind you.  We actually played for quite some time.  With a few outfit changes.  We started out as wrangling cowgirls with riding crops.  A bit unethically dressed for cowgirls mind you.  I donned my big zebra striped cowboy hat, and Aya wore my black leather Australian outback hat.  Both hats were a gift from a submissive, the close friend, who passed away last year this time actually.  So in a secret way I was reminding myself of him.

The photos I have here have been toned to match the journal, but the originals, several galleries worth, so I won't give you more sneak previews, or this entry will be huge! The original galleries I'm actually doing in quite vibrant colours for the websites.  They aren't even up yet, since we just shot them two nights ago, and I've re-routed all my attention to this project.

We cropped, and canned, over the evening Aya smothered him, I smothered him, face sitting then happened on a two time scale as we did a double face sit each of us with our cheeks coming from the side to press on his cheeks! We wrote on him in lipstick, Pain Slut, across his little cheeks.  Then we forced feminized him, we had an outfit change, and so did he.  The sissy sub was put in my sweat soaked white merry widow and panties, and a curly wig placed on his head, and then we had him worshipping our feet and serving us fruit, and the whole thing deteriorated. We drank some wine, got lazy, and sending subby boy home, crashed out lounging on the bed for a bit together, until the girls got so sleepy they decided they should head home for their own bed.

The only regrets I had that it was towards the end of the photo session where I discovered that sissy sub boy takes it in the ass, and I could have sodomized him earlier and missed my chance.  Such is life. 

Now that I', looking back over the cowboy hat picture that I've modified to be in an aged monochrome, I actually really like it that way, gives it that old west feel.  Maybe I'll take the couple of galleries where we were in cowboy hats and just alter those as I did these little mini ones here, and leave the other galleries in full colour.

Well, that is all from me today.  I'm pleased, and excited, that now I'm going to upload this, all of this, this first entry and the surrounding site go live today.

Leila

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