January 23

Still menstrual, my thighs are as red as the background paper, I need a shower and a bath, clean, then soak my cramps away.

Still have bad hair.

There's a 'sex' convention in town this weekend, actually tonight, tomorrow night, and the weekend.  The entry is half price tomorrow for those wearing fetish wear.  Not sure yet if I want to go check it out this year or not.  Last year I entered the fake orgasm contest, and won. Got up on stage with a number of other contestants, and much to the contest hosts dismay (he obviously had a thing for the skinny chick next to me) won the crowd over, as I shamelessly dropped to my knees and getting my whole body into the action, moaned and groaned my way to a thunder of applause on the applaus-0-meter, landing me a 100$ vibe.  Which I've since broken through wear and tear.  So maybe I should go again this year.  One never knows, the oddest moods take me sometimes.  <smile>   I'm shy, really I am!

Oh where of where is my personal attendant when I need one? hmmm?

Actually, I was speaking about my ex-houseboy to the female subbie I was playing with at the play party, and she expressed interest in trying maid service, and interest in providing bathing and massage, something I love.  Bathe me! bathe me!

She's coming over next Tuesday, maybe we'll be up to doing a photo shoot, I really would like to take pictures of her.  

I've been dreaming about doing a big photo shoot at Aya's house with lots and lots of models, a kinky shoot, with loads of naked bound bodies.  I have enough models now that I could pull it off.  Next time I chat with her I'll try and see if she's willing to have a photo shoot 'house play party'.  That may be a cool way to do it.

The above is what I was supposed to be doing last night, I used menstrual cramps to chicken out on what was to be my first kickboxing class back again.  This picture was about 2 years and 60 pounds ago.  I know the only way for me to get back there is just to go, and suffer it out.  People talk about going and pacing myself, and taking it easy and easing back into it.  However, the nature of kickboxing being what it is, and the nature of my health being what it is, 'easing' is hardly the term to describe what excruciating dizzying, nauseous lung screaming muscle rending pain I'm going to be in trying to do anything in class in the most basic of ways.

Somehow, masochistically as much as I'm dreading and fearing it, part of me is really looking forward to it, and anticipating it. 

I'm not Buddhist, but I enjoy a newsletter I get about Buddhism, and I've decided to share a quote here and there in my journal that catches my interest.  I'm not sure I agree with this one though.  I think the wise can show signs of highs and lows.  Perhaps though, the former part of the verse indicates that they don't show signs of pleasure or pain in order to favor gain.  That I do agree with, but showing pleasure or pain, because it's what in your heart, that I believe in.  I suppose I am someone who not only wears her heart on her sleeve, but waves it around in cyber land to boot.  Mind you, I never professed to be one of the wise.  <smile>. 

Today's Quote of Buddhist Wisdom:

Everywhere, truly,
those of integrity
stand apart.
They, the good,
don't chatter in hopes
of favor or gains.
When touched
now by pleasure,
now pain,
the wise give no sign
of high
or low.

-Dhammapada, 6, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.

Leila

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