January 14

I got all tied up the other night... just thought I'd share that.  <laugh> And that's all you're going to get on that subject actually.  Yesterday was a poem, spur of the moment thing, I think something that gestated from my therapy session earlier that day. So today I thought I'd stay in the same line of the arts and share some of my non-digital work.  

I do artwork, occasionally, other than photography, and came across some that I'd taken photos of, since I take pics of everything, and thought I would post them in the journal, so that they're... somewhere.

So why did I put a picture of me in a bondage harness on the top of the journal entry?  Because there is never enough time and space to write about everything, and if I don't put something in there to mark that I was in a lovely bondage harness the other night, it will be lost on the wayside for ever.

Then I'll stumble across it, and think, poop, I never did use that pic in my journal <smile>.

I love harnesses, it's that little knot tied right over the clit... anyways, I really wanted to get into my art work.  <groan>.

I did this image about a year ago now, feeling very vulnerable, the idea of being still, almost lifeless in the womb, was a very comforting concept for me.  Art, like writing is so much for me about exploring my feelings, and in that process understanding myself better, growing, healing.  It's nice to reflect on the image again now.  I was in a really dark place, and for me, it was almost like the idea of being in a womb was of being in a grave.  The quiet blue lifeless form of self, yet with no sense of self, the identity-less face. I had come close to death a number of times last year, and really death felt like a close companion for so long a period of time, maybe I needed to be that close to death in order to start to really find life.  I don't know, I'm still emerging from that seed case.

I think when I started to feel a bit better, the colour came into my work, and I started to have a face, a sense of self again, yet still, I was hiding, curled away, eyes closed, unable, or unwilling to see.  Shut down.

I think as I started to become healthier again, it was again reflected in my artwork.  Images of self becoming more open, more serene, more vibrant.  More movement in the images overall, yet containment still being very important.  Structure an absolute necessity to feel safe, which it still is really.  I think I'm still very much in the same place as where I was when I made this last image.  

All of the above images are small, a little larger than standard paper size.

The next image though, is really big, the reed matt it's painted on is about 4X6 feet.  I worked on it with a friend of mine, I can't remember now if the symbol means 'realize' or 'actualize' or ... it's something like that.  I have this one hanging on one of the walls in my loft.

So that's enough photo archiving of art work and concepts surrounding it. I lied a journal entry or two ago, and I -did- get obsessed with the Morrowind role playing game <ergh!> So I'm off to play that again into the wee smalls of the night.

Before I do though, I just have to say, things are looking up, I have some fun play sessions planned over the next little while, A play party coming up with BIO on the 18th, and two subbies lined up for that.  Foot fetish guy pampering me on Saturday, and some "pro" sessions set up for the next couple of weeks.  Woo hoo! Now if only I could find some place to rent to set up a real dungeon, I'd be flying.

Leila

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