March 5th - Tender
Maybe I should have experimented with recreational drugs in my teens. I'm ill prepared for my own brain chemistry. Quite frankly, being with barbie gets me high. Really high. I didn't know that love-sick giddiness could go to this extreme. Buckling legs, spinning heads, woozy, all over... blissed out.
Yah.. I love it. <smile>
So addictive, has that 'can't get enough' quality. Need to get away and shut myself in with her for a couple of weeks, and work it all out of my system.. ha ha.
Joking about that today, how we might go to a play party or something, and just get so wonked out by one another that we'd just strut in all cool and sexy and then *BOOM* faint in a little twitchy puddle in stereo... spontaneous combustion.
Missing her and not, when we're apart.. which is cool, to be in that space. I'm like that with Wolfe, want to be with all the time, but am aware that I am with.. all the time. Connection. Totally satisfied, yet completely yearning. Paradoxical perfect dynamic tension.
Hungry, yes... so hungry.
purrrrrrrrrrrrrr...............grrrrrrrrrrrrrr....
I really think, really feel, that this all going to be okay. I have that knowing.
That we're going to keep flowing and connecting in sync, with no big rendering asunder.
Trusting it, on a deep level... it's just some little mucked up broken bits of me inside that keep cringing every once in a while.. but really, they're a small part of the over all big me. I think it's all going to get sorted... Mia0! (<- happy Katt sound)
I feel like not only am I on the right path... but I'm accelerating. Like those special effects in the movies when someone is zipping down a tunnel or at high speed and the world is a roaring blur around them. Speeding forward, but it's like I'm perfectly still, and it's everything else that's racing by. We sit in that timeless space, barbie and I... stunned to discover, an hour, two.. or more, has suddenly slipped by. We were too busy just being, and time and all that.. those silly little physical laws, just went on outside, you see, and we... we were.. inside.
Inside.. inside you, inside me... flip side, mobius glide, eroti-ride... extacide...
Don't you feel it.. lurking inside of you... the need, the greed... the hunger, the completeness... waiting to be freed.
Let it be, let it out, let it hunt for you.. trust it, trust yourself. Where are you going to take you? Look inside, at your power, at your center, waiting, awake for you to connect, take notice... pump up the volume.
Come out to play.
Welcome.
XO
Katt