October 19th - breaking form
Society's
mold
not a member of the flock
outside of the fold
so conventional
in my libertarianity
I know it's not a real word
that's okay...
it's not a real herd
Passive we play
thinking ourselves
more important
than the company we keep...
sheep
Sitting and drinking some cheap red wine and listening to music, feeling like my quiet thinkings over the last few days are starting to gel into a form of movement. I've decided that I'm going to go back to teaching martial arts again. I was an assistant instructor for a while, and then took a break from that, and am missing it. I know that one of my main goals is to open a dojo with Wolfe some day, and that if I want to move in the direction of my goals, that I need to act in accordance with that. So, I want to train harder now, I want to teach again now, I want to open a dojo.. later, all those things fit together.. so time to take action in that direction. That's what's feeling right to me. To build that part of me up, bring the physical and spiritual in balance with the intellectual and emotional. Rather than move right into working as a therapist and devoting a lot of my time to that... though that would be the traditional and expected movement for me to make in life at this point.
(I graduated from my MA in counseling psych this year). However, I'm not inclined to do the traditional, or the expected. I feel as if I'm still in a phase of learning, and the lessons I need to build on now, are not theoretical ones of an emotional, intellectual, psychological nature, but to round out those skills with others, physical, spiritual. Before I can start to work in earnest to give to others I feel the need to balance out my own being more. Then I can best decide what that form is going to take, likely a combination of working as martial artist and as a therapist, I hope, because out of all the things I've done. Those have been the most powerful for me.I think a few things have been holding me back... partly the convention of the situation of having invested the time and energy in my education, and the expectation that that should lead to putting it into practice. Also, my fears around my ability to succeed as a martial artist. One thing is for certain though, I won't get there if I don't try.
Feels good.