October 17th - Hmmmmmm
hmmmm.. what to write about today...
Life has been very peaceful.
I absolutely adore this time of the year.. heavy rain, everything washing clean
under soft heavy gray skies. Wind making everything alive with a kind of subtle power that only wind has...There's something about the fall, as a season, that for me is about reflection, taking stock, looking inward. It's like all of nature tucks away and moves into a quiet place... energy and resources focused inwards. At work for the last few days a co-worker has been reflecting on how quiet I am. Quiet in a good way.
I also find myself at this time of year sleeping longer hours... It's like a time of healing, repair... rest, like my body and spirit are adjusting to the shorter days and longer nights...
Though I know that feeling will balance out soon, and I'll start to wake earlier again, and feeling stronger in the mornings. Right now the mornings are feeling very very lazy... <smile>Listening to Jazz... several CD's on random... so relaxing, and drinking sleepy time tea, all contributing to my mood.
I've also been doing much more meditation in the last couple of weeks than I've done ever, really getting into it. I think I may be approaching making it a regular habit rather than a once in a while thing, and that would be nice.
My basic method, that I've found that works best for me, is I sit, cross legged, and with my eyes open I just let my gaze rest on the floor ahead of me... somewhere out about 8-10 feet from my body (my head and eyes fall at a comfortable angle at that spot) and I breath, slow, deep, shallow, yet very naturally, and on each exhalatation.. I count (inner voice of course), breathe in, breathe out.. one, breathe in, breathe out... two, then when I get to four,after I count ... four.. I think the word 'serenity'.. and then I repeat the sequence, over and over, and over.. until all there is for me is my breathing, the count, and serenity. I've found after years of meditating with the one focus word.. that I can be in an extremely tense situation... and all I need to do is count to four and say serenity in my mind... and I'm totally calm. (That's of course if I remember to do it, doesn't always happen) Usually I'll do that for about 10-15 minutes, and then when I start to do a free association meditation, some people call it a lotus meditation, or I've heard it called other things, basically, I start with a word to deal with whatever I want to meditate on, might be an emotion, person, situation, and then I just let words come, slowly, up in response to that, I time then with my breathing.. my exhalations. Example: breathe in, breathe out.. Wolfe, breathe in, breathe out... love, breathe in, breathe out.. peace... breathe in breathe out... mate. etc, etc.. whatever word comes to mind... I find I often get a lot of insight as well as deep relaxation from this particular form of meditation... Whew, there you go.. long section on meditation...
Not much new to say really... basically focusing inward on my self, and on feeling centered in the world, and being in love with life. Peaceful calm accepting love of what the world has to offer me.And trying to figure out best, how to return the favor...
About what it is that my life is about... it's particular flavor in the large dish of life around me... what's my role, my particular spice. There's not much point in ginger trying to be peppercorn, or lemon trying to be sugar... Wanting to find my way, my gifts, my qualities and their best utilized place in things.. Flow.. It often comes back to that for me... almost a form of Tao I suppose.
Though I can be rather suspicious of even the most fluid and esoteric structured belief systems... and labels, well, so I don't really consider myself Taoist.
Okay.. that's enough for me tonight.. I'm being rude, Ty and bi-boy are here and staying the eve, and I promised Ty a back rub, and she's dozing off on the futon behind me, so I'm neglectful in my duties...
Sweet dreams to all, if not this night, then the night next after you read this.
XO
Katt
