October 7th - Violet
Feeling a little other worldly today....
Needed to capture that a bit.. so I played with the cam until I was rather purple.. so if you've logged onto the cam today.. that's how you've seen me.. violet, not violent.
Last
night we went to the monthly local poly discussion group/meet that we attend
with some
regularity. Went the four of us, Wolfe, Bi-boy, Ty and I, which was nice
to do. Especially because we'd had some recent tensions around
relationship boundaries, where we are at as a developing relationship.. how
that looks like, feels like, lives like.. etc. There were some tense
conversations earlier in the day that were thankfully mostly smoothed
out by the start of the meet that evening.. and well, by the end of the
evening I felt like I was in heaven.
I love the energy that the four of us build when we're together.. it feels incredibly powerful.. like amazing things could happen. That people are meant to be like this.. connect together like this. That we're modeling something very basic, true and complete. That people can be confident, charismatic, flowing.. and integrated, and something synergistic happens there.. the whole becoming something even greater than the parts as everyone catalysts for everyone else's energy and spirit..
I
think the most important thing for me in the course of the evening, was
feeling that basically everyone has at this point the same core desires out of
the relationship.. just slightly different paths and paces to getting
there. Though I'm still not 100% secure on feeling there is a common
goal/ideal.. just, much more secure than I was before. I actually don't
have a specific singular goal/ideal.. other than to really build something
fulfilling and meaningful where the four of us meet together in terms of life
goals.
I can be pretty flexible on what the details of that look like. I think the critical thing for me, is wanting these amazing people to be an important part of my life.
Last night, laying all together in everyone's arms.. indescribable. Such an incredible feeling of 'rightness'... Feeling entwined, in that place.
If
this thing turns to dust.. if this feast of life is only a mirage in the
desert of my souls
wanderings in search of an oasis... Then my inner sense of knowing is
something I will have to let go of. For I've yet to encounter anything
that feels more real or right, though I've had things that have felt just as
real/right that have proven themselves solid and sacred.
Listen...
Listen to yourself.
So here in all of these writings.. there are bits of my mappings.. you can see bits and pieces of how I've plotted the course to come to where I am. Should you be out there.. in the desert seeking, maybe there is something you can find of use. That is of course.. if I'm not here hallucinating paradise.. <smile>. Not a guru, just another wandering idiot.
A blissfully happy wandering idiot at that.
Come
wander with me, it's a better alternative,
questing..
than complacency. Challenge your spirit to find it's way to
completeness. Transcend the mundane, embrace the sacred. And
while you're at it.. crack open the Haagen Dazs. (that really is how you spell
it - I checked). I've actually given a lot of thought to the
recreational past time of body-finger painting with ice cream.. and have
decided, this is a sport I'd like to try...
Do you think the Olympics might consider it as a category?
Hmmmmmmm... I think I'm done for today, always so much to think about, and so much to say. I just skim the stuff that's floating thick on the surface and leave the rest.
Missing my lovers.. that entanglement of spirit and flesh... want to grow in the same garden.. mingle our roots in the soil.. reach for the sky and the sun together. Ripen.. and plant new seeds.
Live in love...
XO
Katt
PS.. cool, just realized this will be my 100th journal entry.