October 6th - Thanks Peter

Well.. for three nights in a row now...  Wolfe has held a pillow over my face during sex.  This all started, on <blush> my initiative, after reading Peter's Journal entry the other day, where he talks about smothering a lover with a pillow... and I was highly intrigued.  So three nights ago.. Wolfe asks me during foreplay.. what it is I'm thinking about.. and waiting for just such an opportunity, I mention Peter's journal entry and how I was really intrigued about the idea of pillow smothering.

Now the thing is, I've never really considered breath play/restriction before.  I've always related all of it to the asphyxiation thing.. which I'd kind of labeled as too dangerous and then dismissed.  But the whole tone of the pillow thing sounded so.. soft.  <smile>.. and very erotic.   I have always had an erotic association from childhood of being 'under the blankets' and masturbating, or feeling safe, and have always loved having sex under the covers where the air feels hot and thick and like you're not quite getting enough quality air... but did I ever connect that with the possibility of structured play.. no.

Also as a teenager, when I smoked very occasionally, I was making out with one of my boyfriends, and we started goofing around with passing a smoke filled breath back and forth, and I found that totally hot too.

So now I feel like...  hmm, I have some catching up to do!.. and well Wolfe is applying himself with enthusiasm.  He's so incredibly controlled when he's Topping me, that I feel very very safe in that, I know he's hyper aware of exactly how much pressure he's exerting into things, how long he's sustaining things.. my bodies responses, etc.  For instance, the final throws of passion where I was squealing into the pillow, and writhing underneath him, and trying to suck air through a very firmly pressed feather pillow, I felt like my supply was being cut off for minutes, so I mention that to him later, and he replies '30 seconds, it was 30 seconds'. I realize through his own intense orgasm.. my man is counting the seconds, making sure he doesn't leave me too long without air, counting seconds and watching my responses, very very controlled.  very very sexy.  Don't get me wrong, he gets totally worked up, very hot, very swept up in playing with me, but that intense level of control is always there with him.

If anything, he's too gentle.  Whether he uses the pillow, or cups his very large soft strong hands over my mouth and nose.. he's being very careful, and he makes sure I get a small stream of air coming in.  It's not a lot of air, and I couldn't sustain breathing like that, especially when I'm that worked up, but still.. I think I'd like the sensation of being totally cut off, if only for a few seconds.
Though knowing him, he may just be building us up, slowly.... purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

So last night was amazing, I was feeling very vulnerable in a lot of ways... little sorting through stuff with the over all relationship with the four of us.  When Wolfe came home I had been having some hurt feelings that I had been trying really hard to be strong around and was holding up some pretty frail walls.  Then he walked in the door looking 10 feet tall, and I just melted into soft tears and his arms, told him all that was happening for me and he was very totally loving.  I wanted him to take care of me, and nothing feels more fulfilling and care taking in that head space of mine to move totally into that very vulnerable space and feel the other persons loving control.  Heighten everything, experience it, feel like the safety net is firmly in place.  So soon he was guiding me around by my chin, so to speak.. with the strong tone to his voice, that lets me know he's slipping into that head space.  Reminding me with his words that one of the things he finds most arousing is vulnerability, and we talk about how we click that way.. how good it feels for me to go there, how much he loves to play with that energy.  So soon the vulnerability that comes from external forces that I have no control over, that overwhelm me in ways that are truly frightening, become lost in a sea of vulnerability of a different sort.. one that exists in this bubble of trust, containment, love...

My skin starts to come alive.  

When we've built through to a certain point, talking, touching, Wolfe asks me to get the crop hanging from the bed post.  I move to obey, feeling I have a hard time moving fast enough, knowing his eyes are on me, assessing, all the time now.  

I slip the crop down to him, trying to position myself to his instructions as he croons them out and not be clumsy, though I know I can't help but be awkward, and that humiliation is delicious and terrible at the same time.  

He works my ass and my back over with the crop, and it feels good, it's such a little surface of smacking, but it feels thick and heavy against my skin.  The position he had me in was he was laying on his back under the blankets, comfortable, and I was straddling his body on my hands and knees, my head by his feet, and my body over his legs while he worked me over, often with a few fingers in my cunt.  Sometimes I'd be crouched down, and other times he would ask me to sit up.

Again he asked me that oh so helpful question for us in a scene.. which is what I was thinking.  So I gave him the opportunity to let him know that I was thinking about how the crop felt when he hit high on the shoulders, and that I was wondering what it would feel like to be cropped on the back and sides of my head (which he didn't do, so I still don't know... I don't know if I'd have wanted it hard, but I think I like my head engaged during play.. )  I also told him that when he would ask me to lean up so he could crop my back better that I was thinking of what it would be like for him to slip the crop around over my head and put pressure against my neck with it.. (which he did do later, as well as across my breasts.. caught up against the flexible hard length of that delicious crop)

After a thorough, firm, occasionally stingy, mostly therapeutic massage level cropping (no bruises today) he crops me just a little more, having me move up and under the blankets to suckle his cock while my ass very close to his face gets cropped and then the crop is abandoned for a bit of bare handed spanking.  I get a little taste of that 'not enough air' under the hot heavy blankets, and feel the humiliation of him spanking my ass which is so close to his face, and the position is awkward, and I feel like I can't sustain it. Noticing my fidgeting and squirming, and hesitation... Wolfe has me move up and lay next to him and just holds me for a few moments before we move on.  Part of me wishes he was crueler, and that when I start to act as if I can't do something, that instead of softening, he hardens, pushes me more.  We have a safe-word... and a slow-word... I'd like to bump that edge on occasion.

Then he's on top of me, fucking me, fingers, and then cock, his hand and arm occasionally crossing my throat with gentle pressure, not choking me.. but almost.  His hands covering my face and my nose and my mouth.. not cutting off my air.. but almost.  He pushes his fingers in my mouth.. stretching me mouth out, making it awkward for me to breath.. knowing I must look distorted with his big fingers pushing my lips back, stroking my tongue.

He slips the blindfold off the headboard, and over my eyes... the voltage in my skin has just been turned up a notch.

more of the same, big wandering hands over my face, against my throat, my jaw, fingers in my mouth, his tongue slipping between the fingers covering my mouth and nose.  Me trying to navigate my breath and his kisses.. though it's more like he's tasting me, than kissing me, I can't respond 'properly' my mouth has become an object.

He flips me over, hands and knees, and fucks me hard from behind, while his hands still play over my face, throat and mouth.

Back to the back again for the last time, my legs pushed all the way back around , legs on his chest, over his shoulders, around my own head.. I'm not sure.. I've lost them, my legs... All I'm feeling is my body, and my limbs have stopped existing for me.. or almost, as he has me catch my foot in one of the metal curves of the headboard, to brace my leg behind my head.  I'm blindfolded still, and I feel the pillow come over my face.  Light pressure, lots of air coming in from underneath, and then harder.. smothered.. and it alternates.  I catch my air when I can, the air, soft and warm sucked from underneath the pillow. Wolfe's hand on my throat, on my chin, occasionally slipping under the pillow.  pinching my nipples hard... I'm squealing into the pillow as he hurts my breasts.

Can feel both of us building.  He's taken the blue vibrator we have, and I can feel him working it into my cunt along side of his already very hard thick cock.  My cunt feels impossibly full.  The butt of the vibrator braced against his pubic bone, he's fucking me with his cock and the vibrator at the same time, and feeling me build, him building... him talking to me, calling me sweet nasty names and the pillow is hard on my face, tighter, and the little bit of panic moves through me far away, mingled with my building orgasm, that what if, as he's cumming, as he's swept away, carried away, that he looses track of the pressure, of me, under the pillow, no air.. so hot.. nothing else to do, but cum, to cum, and to make him cum, to breathe.. can't breath, don't want to, want it to last.. WHAMmmmmmmmmmmmm... sweet.. so sweet... 

So that was my night last night.. <smile>.. I'm still feeling... alive, and when I think of it, I feel like my skin is moving, crawling, calling... 

pillow anyone?

<kiss>
Katt 

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