September 22nd - PMS plus
Well had an emotional roller-coaster ride last night.. mostly hormonal I suspect as I started menstruating around midnight. Started with my journal entry around Mother-Ty stuff.. started crying, stayed emotional... then they came over, Ty and beautiful bi boy, with Wolfe whom they'd picked up from work. Then there was much happy snuggling and connecting for a while until they had to head home. Very nice, and very sweet and wonderful.. purrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
However, while they were here I popped into check the chat log, because it keeps like the last 20 entries.. to see if anyone had stopped in, and who I might have missed, and sure enough... there had been some folks.
So now this is the thing, this is why I'm up now in the middle of the night stressing over this stupid little thing and writing a journal entry. Deciding I have to address it now, or I'm going to be up all night milling it around in my head.
The people leaving me messages in chat as if I can see what they are typing when I can't... for those of you who were concerned because you could see me balling my eyes out last night while I was writing my journal.. thank you, for your concern.. and remember, you can page me from icq and I could have probably used your compassionate support and would have loved to chat. You know who you are, and really, I thank you for your concern, and sorry if I distressed you. This journal entry isn't really about you.. it's about the other people in chat.
For the person who bitched and mouthed off... If you don't feel you're getting your monies worth.. if you don't think the fucking 80% of my soul that I share with you here is worth the price of a cappuccino... fuck you. Cancel your bloody membership.. I don't need to, after having a particularly vulnerable moment, and spilling my guts out in my journal, access chat and read your selfish egocentric pathetic whining. This is not the site for you... there are places where there are girls around the clock.. in little rooms, laying on a little bed, and for five minutes she'll do whatever the fuck you want with you in chat, if you've got enough room on your credit card. I don't need you're particular 2.95$ a week, and it sure doesn't buy you the right to dis me.
We have a cheap chat program. We can't afford software for a better one. The chat program does NOT notify me when people are there. If I am not logged into chat... I have no idea if you are. I log in the same way that you do. I load up my web browser, visit the site, enter the members area, and enter chat, enter my nick.. just exactly the way any other erotimania member does.
If you're not in chat, if you are sitting at your computer doing something else totally un-related.. and I am in my chat room... can you tell that I am there? NO, of course you cannot, don't be silly, why would you? Likewise, if you are the one in chat, and I am not there, sitting at my computer doing something else totally un-related, I have no way of knowing you are there.
It doesn't matter than you can see me on the cam.. that just means I'm home and the cam is pointing at me, It doesn't matter than I'm sitting in front of the computer. I sit in front of the computer many hours of the day.
Now I know most of us get this concept around 3 to 5 years of age, but I'll repeat it in case you missed that stage in your development. Pay attention, this is important.... Just because you can see me, does not mean that I can see you. If you didn't quite get that, read it again, it is important, it will come in handy in other areas in your life (By the way, the reverse of this is also true... closing you're eyes does not render you invisible.. really, trust me on this). You'll thank me later.
I don't keep the chat window open... Maybe you have a big powerful computer and you can keep everything under the sun running at the same time, but me, on my little beast, I'm usually running too many other things (always a web cam, usually front page as I'm working on the site... often a graphics program.. etc, etc) so I don't sit with chat open.
Keeping chat open is not a priority for me... and do you know why not? Because I'm bitchy?.. no that's just now, and that's just because someone was a nasty cow.. usually I'm not bitchy... it's because there is this wonderful little system we've had in place since the day we have had chat.. where you can page us to let us know you are in chat waiting. Kind of like a phone ringing, so rather than me picking up the phone and going 'hello hello?' every few seconds.. I just wait for the phone to ring. Well I do the same with chat, instead of checking the chat room all the time, I just wait for someone to page me. Weren't aware of this wonderful system? Instructions are posted at the very top of the chat application as well as prominently posted in several other areas of the site. You go to the area of the site that says ICQ page.. and you page me, if I am sitting in front of the computer I will get your page.. and odds are... 99.9% of the time, I will join chat! Voila! by magic virtue of the fact that I am basically a really nice person. Even if I'm really super busy and am just joining chat to say I'm too busy to chat, but I hope to catch you later. If I don't answer the page at all, it might be because I'm having computer problems.. and sometimes it might be slow, because I'll have to finish something, or save something, and start closing different programs down before I access chat. (that's right, I will usually pack up everything I'm doing just to pop in and say hi.. not only because I'm a nice person.. cuz I'm not -all- of the time, see like I'm not feeling particularly nice now.. well, kind of nice in a bitchy sarcastic kind of way.. but also because usually I really really like to chat, more than I like to do just about anything else.. if I didn't, I probably wouldn't have a chat program. I definitely don't do it for the lovely feedback I get about it).
There has been the odd time that I've had a page, and then had my whole computer crash, because I've tried to access chat, and had too many things running, and then everything has taken for ever to load back up again.. (because of the huge virus protection and firewall we have to have because there are other evil shit heads of the hacking variety bugging us all the time too).. and well, by the time I get into chat, the person who paged me has gone off to do other fun things.. and I don't blame them at all.. doesn't bug me at all... I would do the same, I don't expect people to wait when they don't know what's going on. It only bugs me if once I get there I encounter streams of whiny obscenities and complaints in the chat room.
Again for the person who left messages of compassionate concern.. this stuff isn't for you. (Though I would love it if you did use the icq page to nab me at moments like those).
Again for the person who complained. (I'm not quite done yet) You think you wasted good money signing up for my web site?... Sometimes, when I read that kind of shit I think I waste good hours of my life... sharing with people like you. Obviously I wasted my time when I posted instructions on how to page me when I'm not in chat, and about chat etiquette. I put more money into this site than anyone, and time on top of it. More importantly, I put a lot of myself here. We're still not really making a profit, mostly because what we make is cycled back into the site... still haven't paid off the digital cam.. now I'm not whining, that's my choice, and I recognize it, and I get a lot of pleasure out of doing the site, which is why I don't mind that the vast majority of my time is essentially unpaid for. Your token membership price does not buy you unlimited access to me, and if you're too stupid to figure out that just because you can see me, that I can't see you... well that's not my problem. Don't tell me how to spend my time, and I won't tell you where to put your money.. because if that's going to be your attitude.. I'd rather give it back to you... In fact 'd like to give it back to you in person.. in fact I have some really great ideas on where you can put your $2.95.
This has been a test of the emergency bitch broadcasting system.. we now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.
Want Homework?.. someone or something on your mind that's pissing you off? Don't stew.. spew. Then go eat some chocolate and go to bed. (it's working for me!)
<kisses>
Katt
send your 'you go girl' e-mail here.
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