September 5th - Truth 

How do I even begin. Well you know 'the couple'... I have been totally blown away. I don't know if I can type and be anything less than blunt.. if there is any poetry in this entry it comes from a place of pure simplicity and honesty.. from actuality rather than embellishment.  Because I can't explain myself with less than words like:  'I've been completely fucked over. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically.. in all the best possible ways'... I have had the most fucking incredible mind blowing weekend... so if there is poetry in this entry.. it's in the style of Henry Miller... because it's full of a hard edged reality that is really bloody fucking beautiful.           (Don't you love the way her hand curls... that happens all the time... she'll be doing something, anything, and her hand becomes totally and completely relaxed and she gets Michelangelo fingers ... <smile>)

So.. I have no idea where to begin.. or where to end, I don't want beginnings and endings.. I don't want linear.. I want multi-dimensional infinite explosive mobius existence. now.   However most of the world continues to express itself primarily in a linear fashion.. so.. I'll try to blend.   

I am so totally happy and completely terrified.   The problem with being really really high is there is so very far to fall...

If you've ever sat on the brink of everything you've ever wanted and dreamed life could be at the very center of your soul and being, and have tasted and breathed what it would be like to consume all of that.  Well I've come to sit at that table.. this feast set before me.. starving, like I've been wandering a desert for days...  and there it is,  food and water overflowing before me,  all my longings realized.. and I'm afraid to lift the fork to find it a mirage.

If you haven't found yourself there.

Wake the fuck up.

Life is too short, too precious.. for you to not have been longing and dreaming, and journeying through the desert of your soul.

If you have been filled with passion.. and you know what I'm talking about... even if you've been afraid, so afraid.. like I get at times.  Don't shut it down.

This is living... 

I can't capture it here.. I can't give it to you.. oh that I could give it to the world.  You have to want it, and to quest for it and to never ever ever give up.. even if the desert consumes you... because even if you don't make it.. maybe somebody will, and you can inspire them to dream.. the true dream.  Your souls dreams.  Remember... your soul.  You tell me, what the fuck else matters if not that?

People like to contain the world in little structures about what they've been taught to believe is right and good.  and that is total shit.  You cannot do that.   You can judge yourself, but not others.. and there is only one way to do that and it's by learning to listen to yourself, listen to yourself in those deep quiet places inside of you.  That's the only place you can find right and good.

People use the term poly/polyamory a lot for what I want when I describe my dreamings.. because a lot of what I long for in my life is to be part of a family of people who love one another in a deep and complete way and are not afraid to connect, and to touch one another's spirits and to challenge one another to grow and to live.    The idea that I can have what I have with Wolfe, with another two people as well, and that each person connects with each other person in a slightly different way...  I'm driven.  All the pictures are of her and I today... that's just the way it turned out in terms of graphics.. not in terms of what's happening inside of me.. I don't want separate puzzle pieces.. I want a big picture. Everyone's big picture is different...

Respect it.. respect takes everyone a long way.. If you respect your truth, you can respect other peoples truths.

Hold my hand now...  I'm afraid of heights.. but damn it I want to fly.

XOX
Katt

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