I only have two puppies left at home, two left us this evening. Though I spent a big chunk of the day with the four of them, can’t believe we’re down to two. Then tomorrow one more leaves us, and then we’ll only have one remaining. He’ll be with us a week before his people come to get him.

Yesterday I painted two birdhouses for my garden, I now have a total of 4 bird houses. I have a row of three on a little shelf on our shed. I painted a little garden on the edge of the shelf. It looks like a small city block, for birds. One of the houses is already being furnished by some very amorous chickadees. More »

I’m so happy. My girl is home. She’s sick and she’s tired, and I want to take care of her. I adore her.

When I got home this afternoon from a morning of swimming and shopping with my best friend I brought my girl treats I had bought for her. Colouring books, a giant bubble wand and bubbles (those ones that are very phallic… and, er, could be easily perverted. It’s getting filled with water and frozen afterwards!), some sour gummy worms.

We grabbed all the puppies, and settled in the backyard with a blanket.  More »

I was lucky that given the severity of my fibromyalgia, and having been diagnosed by one of the leading rheumatologists in BC, and having had the benefit of a very good family Dr. and specialists, that getting an official form from my family Dr. for the compassion society was a simple form fee away.

It’s strange though. I’ve never used marijuana recreationally. Not a once… it’s weird to be 39 years old and taking pot for the first time, granted I’m not smoking it, but eating it in baked goods and tinctures… but still kind of odd. I just don’t like to feel ‘altered’… I like a clear head.  It’s actually a lot like the synthetic pure cannabinoid prescription they put me on.  I haven’t been using very much of it, just a cautious add on to my other prescribed mediation, but I’ve been impressed with how little side effects and how mild a medication it is.  It doesn’t make me feel altered in any way really, except for relaxing my body and easing some of the pain.

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Just had my second session of massage therapy. It wasn’t as pleasant to recieve today. I was more sore and tender, and a lot of it was uncomfortable for me. I could still feel it working and so far afterwards I’m feeling some loosening and relief, so I think it was still as therapeutic as last time, but not as pleasant. Different therapist this time. I’ll try to stick with appointments from the same therapist that saw me the first time.   When you have fibro touch is painful.  I’ve become more accustomed to greater touch sensitivity, but hurt still hurts… I’ll have to see what the next few days bring.

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It’s not too hellacious, but it’s bad enough, that I’m pretty much stuck laying in my recliner all damn day.  Which is making me a bit whiney and pissy.

There’s so many fun things I could be doing, or practical things, I’d even settle for necessary things right now, like getting up and getting something to eat.. lol.

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I’ve been doing a lot of this lately. Taking incredible joy in the beauty and the love in these perfect bundles.  I’ve also been enjoying the garden and Wolfe’s efforts to help me transform it into the dream garden I have in my imagination.

Connecting with nature, with puppies and plants, gardens, etc… the spring in bloom, and the influx into my life as of late people with a strong spiritual core, has awakened a spiritual spring of my own within me.

I think trial by pain, has been a part of my … re-awakening… as well.

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If ones reality is a lot of pain and tears, should that reality be shared?… or should it remain hidden? I snapped this the other day when I was hurting emotionally while responding to a message.  Part of it is trying to accept myself as an imperfect person, as a real person, as my own person. The whole range of my experiences.  To document my reality, highs and lows, is something I’ve been doing for over a decade now.

Sometimes I’ve walked down the street looking sad, or mad, or something, had some guy say hey, you’re pretty, you should be smiling.  I’m like what?… Do I have an obligation to the world to be always aesthetically pleasing, always happy, always the most enjoyable facade presented?

I wonder what it would be like to trade lives with different people for a week at a time.

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(I know, the pics a bit freaky, I took it the other day, but I like how the light washed me out)

The following is copyright of www.fibrohugs.org Written by Ronald J. Waller.

Someone shared it with the fibro group here on FetLife today and it resonated very strongly with me and my experiences with fibromyalgia.

The Letter To Normals Hello Family, Friends, and Anyone Wishing to Know Me,

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It’s a challenging day so far. I’m having a lot of pain and weakness still.

I had to go out yesterday just for a very short bit, for my mental/emotional health, though it was a strain on my body. We took a very short trip to Minter Garden’s garden store, and looked at all the lovely things for inspiration. It was a short walk through before I had to leave, but it was nice just to be out. We can’t afford much right now, so we’re looking for freebies for the garden, but it was still nice to browse even though we didn’t purchase from there.   More »

Snuggling with puppies may be one of the main things keeping me going these days!

Pain has slowed me down and regressed me. It’s made me fuzzy and tired. So exhausted from the fibro. So physically and mentally and emotionally exhausted.

I went back to FetLife. It was hard. But people there were making assumptions about me and those I care about, publicly, and yes, I was sucked back in trying to defend myself and others. Hoping to maybe make some difference. I don’t know if I have the energy. More »

Some people are completely incapable of spotting them in people they would like to believe better of. I’m often like that myself… so I can’t fault people for it. I see stuff, and like to hope it’s indicitave of a best case scenario than worst. I give people the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately. When people who are attractive, charismatic, and have power, are the danger, it is even more likely we really want to give people the benefit of the doubt, and think the best of them. More »

(More recent puppy photos after the break)

What a wonderful day with my girl.

I got to creep in bed with her this morning and snuggle and play a bit. She seemed to need a little perking up… the ice cube helped lots!!!

We ran around and did some great shopping at garage sales and thrift stores and even off of Craigslist where we went to buy a pair of chaps for mouse, and instead, discovered other things for sale… and mouse came away with two amazing black leather corsets and a matching corset mini skirt. All those big juicy curves tightly laced into yummy leather… PURRRRRR!!!!!

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Happy, as I sit in my recliner blogging after a long busy day, a long busy day with minimal pain.  Which is a treat beyond belief.  I have a different combination of medication that seems to be making a real difference, at least for now.

Now I’m going to go to bed and dream about all the wonderful things to come over the rest of the weekend!

XO