When I look at half the rumours started about me and others, it seems much of the time those lies are actually based on people having mistaken assumptions and perceptions. People look at a situation, and fill in the blanks… incorrectly.  I guess I just don’t understand why people jump to negative conclusions about others and their motivations.  I guess it makes sense to them in someway. I tend to assume the best of people until proven otherwise. Respect is given as an automatic until someone erodes away at it. I don’t hold grudges. I’m not generally suspicious of people, I tend to think good of others.

I’m not sure what bothers me more about some of the rumour spreading going on about myself and those I care about.. that the people perpetuating and creating them actually believe them to be true or if they are knowingly lying… I can’t decide which option is more disturbing to me.

It hurts when people believe you and people you love are ‘bad people’… I just don’t get it. Why would you make those kinds of assumptions about people you don’t even really know?

Ironically, some people assume about me, that I make those same assumptions about them! I’ve had a few people tell me that when I write about situations of abuse, or predation, sociopathy, narcissism, red flags, hell… some things I’ve written that have been about my own family members, etc. That people think there’s hidden messages in my words, or implications, or things written between the lines.  I’m an open book. What you see is what you get. Things are not in reality worse, or better, than what’s represented here, I think.  If for some reason, you think I may mean something but aren’t sure… ask me. Seriously. I’ll give you my honest opinion.

Sometimes I think it just doesn’t matter what you say, or how you say it.. Someone somewhere is going to read something into it that isn’t there… I know what I really need is just thicker skin.  I need to get over internalizing and taking on negative feelings towards myself when others have negative feelings toward me.  Just because someone believes I’m a bad person, doesn’t make me a bad person.  I know I’m a good person, but that inner negative voice from childhood just doesn’t go away.  Unfortunately, it seems to be the way I’m wired… thin skinned. Sensitive.

All I want is to love, and be loved.  To be accepted. In the past, this has lead me into toxic relationships as I’ve tried to win over the friendship of people who’ve hurt me. I have to keep reminding myself to keep distance from people who hurt me, and not put myself in their paths.   Instead of trying to be friends with everyone.

I guess it’s still the most hurtful thing for me, and one of my weakest most vulnerable spots, is thinking someone believes I’m ‘bad’.

I guess it’s not just the submissive women that want to be ‘good girls’…