We move in the direction of our expectations
We move in the direction of our expectations is one of the tenets of Adlerian Psychology.
Our world views shape our experiences. Our beliefs about the world play a large part in forming our experiences. When we have strong beliefs our mind does it’s best to maintain those beliefs. Whether your belief is ‘women are bitches’ ‘men are untrustworthy’ ‘I am unlovable’ ‘people are stupid’, or anything really, your brain will do it’s best to maintain and enforce those beliefs.
There are a number of ways we do this. One of the main ways we do this is by engaging with people who will re-enforce our belief. We will tend to be attracted, consciously or more likely unconsciously, to people that will re-enforce what we already believe. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. What we believe is what we attract and what we are attracted to. This is often why we find negative repetitive patterns in our lives. Often this core belief developed from childhood when something negative occurred, it created a world view, a belief about the world or about people, men, or women, or self, and then we go through life confirming our theory.
The other part of this, is we will be super sensitive to anything that will confirm our beliefs. We will be consciously or more likely unconsciously, constantly looking for evidence from others that what we believe is true. We’ll tend to see what it is we’re looking for in order to validate our underlying beliefs. Instead of seeing the big picture when looking at people or situations we will focus on those details that confirm our world views.
Another aspect of this is that we will take direct actions in order to manipulate events so that our beliefs are validated. We will self-sabotage. This is usually completely unconscious. We will behave in ways that influence others to meet our expectations, taking actions to push others into the expected behaviours. If they are unable to be manipulated to fit the belief, they are usually passed over and more energy and attention is focused on people who do fulfill those beliefs.
Why do we do this? It comes from those events that shaped the belief originally, and wanting to be safe from them recurring, ironically, it does the opposite. The idea is almost if see the danger coming, we’ll protect ourselves, instead we’re looking so hard for that danger that instead of avoiding it, we find what we’re looking for.
What do we do with these beliefs? Let go of trying to find an empirical truth in them, as long as we’re focused on that element of the belief we will continue to make it true, for us. Instead, we need to honestly ask ourselves is this belief working for me? is it helping me, or is it hindering me?
If you can, try something else on for size. ‘Women are wonderful’, ‘men are trustworthy’, ‘I am lovable’, ‘people are smart’, or anything really, your brain will do it’s best to maintain and enforce those beliefs. We have the power to create wonderful things in our lives.
Live in Love