Too Much
It’s a lot to process in my life right now. The puppies are 3 and a half weeks and so adorable, they are starting to play, wag their tails, and show some personality. They are so sweet and it’s going to be hard to let any of them go. There are lots more pictures on their site - Hug A Bug Puppies.
We went to the kinky swap meet pre-rascals party on the weekend, and sold a whack of stuff, but maybe only 10% of what we had. We’re thinking of having our own kinky garage sale/swap party in conjunction with a BBQ and potluck when the weather is a it warmer.
There’s a possibility someone may want to buy our house dungeon and all, and mostly furnished. If so, this would make the move so much less complicated. I don’t know how serious the potential buyer is, so we’ll see.
We’re currently readying the house for being put on the market. Well, Wolfe largely is, he’s busy painting and organizing and doing an amazing job. We have lots to do, but lots is getting done. I wish I could help more, but my fibromyalgia has me pretty much incapacitated most of the time.
I got out for some fun, shopping at Value Village yesterday, but then as soon as I was done shopping I was so exhausted and sore, that we had do just grab a bite to eat and come home. I had wanted to go do some grocery shopping and some other shopping, but it just wasn’t going to happen.
My weight seems to have hit another plateau, at 179lbs. I know it has a lot to do with how slack I’ve gotten with eating healthy, and because I haven’t been going swimming. I really need to try to get to the pool again regularly, it will probably help my Fibro ease up as well if I do.
The difficulty is getting motivated to do -anything- the fatigue, weariness, soreness, and generally feeling crappy keeps me wanting to curl up and avoid everything except for the simple distractions of the internet and the television, and of course, some puppy time.
I get very disheartened some times, and I try not to give into it. Feeling loss, anger, fear, panic, sadness, grief, etc, over the changes in my body and my mind because of my illness, is hard to process. If I let myself cry and grieve, then I feel better in some ways, but crying seems to trigger a lot of pain in my head, face, and chest. I try to avoid things that will exacerbate my physical pain. Though if I don’t process my emotional pain.. what then. It’s a hard balance. Cry a little, feel a little, but then disassociate from it in order to not have the pain, emotional and then physical, spiral out of control.
I think my greatest fear is what if I have something more than fibro going on? I’m afraid to lose more functioning, and to have more pain. It’s a struggle because none of the medications I have take the pain away, they may lessen it a bit, blunt things down, but that’s all. Thankfully I’m not dealing with narcotic medications at all.
It’s hard not to wish I was healthy and strong though. I could be playing with and enjoying the puppies more. I could get out and about more, I could be packing up some things and preparing/staging the house for the market, and helping Wolfe do some renovations. Instead I’m here, on my couch, feeling useless and frustrated.
I’m so glad that Wolfe agreed to breeding dogs. I have to tell you, those beautiful little puppies are the best medicine there is.