Floating away.

Leila Raven Posted in General

The title of the post is not particularly accurate. As I tried to float at the pool today, and for the first time in my life… couldn’t. I’ve always been a floater, even when I was younger and skinny. I think it’s the muscle tension along with the muscle pain and fatigue, I couldn’t relax enough to float. I was looking forward to not feeling gravity on my body, but I didn’t get there. I couldn’t do any of the exercise or swimming that I normally do at the pool, and I couldn’t really feel comfortable in the cold pool or the hot hot tub. Luckily the leisure center I go to has 4 pools, 2 hot tubs, one really hot and the other more of a therapy hot pool suitable for children and wheelchair accessible. and two larger pools, one for laps etc, and the other is a wave pool, which is warmer than the Olympic style lap pool. Normally I use the cold lap pool and the hot hot tub, but today I just alternated soaking in the more temperate pools. Moving was uncomfortable, and I tried to relax as much as possible. Wolfe hurt his back working out and came down early, which was fine with me, as a long visit would have been tiring. Unfortunately now his mobility is challenged and he’s also dealing with some pain. I think we’re ordering in tonight. LOL. In terms of the negative stuff happening in the kink community. I’ve decided just to pull away entirely for the time being. Even before it was told to me in martial arts, I always believed that you don’t start fights, you do your best to avoid fights, if someone starts a fight with you, the goal is to finish it, but not my hurting them, but by getting away, hurting them as little as possible and preventing yourself from getting hurt as much as possible so that you can get away from the fight. It doesn’t matter if you’re stronger, a better fighter, or in the right, the goal is minimize the damage, minimize the hurt, not ‘win’. It doesn’t matter what others think, or if it makes you look bad, or good, or like the loser of the fight, or look guilty or innocent, you do what you know to be right for your own ethics. Let other peoples assumptions be other peoples problems, I can’t control other peoples beliefs and actions, only my own. Just as people I’ve tried to develop friendships with have decided not to act as my friend, I can decide not to act as enemy to those who have tried to develop relationships of animosity with me. I am no person’s enemy, and I need to be my own friend first. I’m moving away from the action for a bit. There’s too much stuff getting slung around. I don’t want to be a part of it. Going to float away for a while, and focus on keeping comfortable and sorting out my health issues as best I can.

“Do not ask the world to change, change yourself” Buddah.

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are” Anais Nin.

“You must be the change you want to see in the world.” Mahatma Ghandi

“An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” Mahatma Gandhi