Well, I’ve been jonesing for some jonesing.  Ever since I’ve been medicated for my depression, many years now, my libido has been severely impaired. Since I used to want sex frequently, well to be honest ‘all the time’,  in the pre-depression years, this lack of interest is a change from my ‘normal’ state of sexual functioning. For the first few years, yes YEARS, this wasn’t a big issue, since most of my time was spent alternately trying to die and trying to live, sex was kind of on the back burner. The couple of years after that, yes YEARS, I was just so damn content (happy seems misplaced for a depressive) to be stable, and not actively suicidal, and to be feeling feelings, and lots of them good feelings, or at least not bad feelings, that the lack of libido still wasn’t an issue. Now, it’s starting to become an issue, I’m missing sex. When I do actually get aroused, I have a hard time getting off. It’s the meds, the meds that keep the depression in check also affect the chemistry in such a way as to make me less interested and less able.  So I’ve started seeing a specialist, and he is assessing my levels of free-testosterone to see if I can tinker with my levels. He explained that if my levels of free T are normal, then adding more T from experience, won’t actually make much difference. So even if I was willing to run around pumped up on extra T incurring side effects, it wouldn’t likely fix the problem. So, I’m hoping my free testosterone levels are lowish, so we can tinker there. Side effects you say? yes, I may grow more hair, but I’m not very hairy, so a little extra shaving or waxing or permanent removal is no biggie, I barely have body hair. I may bulk up some… bring on the muscles baby! I’d be happy to have more muscle mass, muscles are hot. My clit may grow a bit.. excellent. Right now it’s on the slightly hard to find side, I’ve got some room for expansion. So I’m not worried about becoming a hairy muscle bound he-man with a dick sized clitty. As long as it makes me hornier I’m good to go.  The other thing the Dr. recommended, because once aroused I sometimes have a hard time reaching a good strong orgasm, is viagra. So there you go, testosterone and viagra, manly yes, but I like them too.

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