Thyroid. Well, my Dr. checked my thyroid functioning, and it was a little low, on the hypo side. So he scheduled me in for more blood work, and for an ultrasound. The results of the second blood work came back normal. Which is the first thing he told me, and then said, which is funny, because I wouldn’t have had you go in for the ultrasound then. I was just thinking, so that’s that, all normal, when he said, which is good you did, because the ultrasound found some little areas of extra dense tissue. He went on in great detail about how they were two very small areas of only about 4mm each. But, to be on the safe side, and we like that, I should go have some more tests, radioactive joy, they will tell me whether these areas, he explained are either dense growths of thyroid tissue, in which case the radioactive marker that’s attracted to thyroid will be drawn there, and it will show that, or it’s not thyroid tissue in which case the radioactive marker will not penetrate well into it.  Then if it’s not thyroid tissue, we get to discovering exactly what it is, which means biopsy. I have to wait till mid august to do the next tests with radiology. Then some time for the results. So likely won’t know till end of august whether it’s all okay, or off for surgery.  Of course, now I’m off to google my odds of thyroid cancer, and what other goodies may or may not be in store for me. This is not what one wants to hear on days when you’re feeling totally worn out and exhausted. He also needed more blood testing to do another level to see whether it’s normal or not, it could be ‘fluctuating’… hmmm, weird.  The good news, by the time I was back to the lab with my paperwork they still had the vials they’d taken this morning to test my levels of testosterone with and didn’t have to poke me and take more blood, they can test for the other T, the thyroid levels of the blood taken to check the testosterone with.  I’m exhausted, give me more T and T, but please, don’t give me the big C.

Well, I’ve been jonesing for some jonesing.  Ever since I’ve been medicated for my depression, many years now, my libido has been severely impaired. Since I used to want sex frequently, well to be honest ‘all the time’,  in the pre-depression years, this lack of interest is a change from my ‘normal’ state of sexual functioning. For the first few years, yes YEARS, this wasn’t a big issue, since most of my time was spent alternately trying to die and trying to live, sex was kind of on the back burner. The couple of years after that, yes YEARS, I was just so damn content (happy seems misplaced for a depressive) to be stable, and not actively suicidal, and to be feeling feelings, and lots of them good feelings, or at least not bad feelings, that the lack of libido still wasn’t an issue. Now, it’s starting to become an issue, I’m missing sex. When I do actually get aroused, I have a hard time getting off. It’s the meds, the meds that keep the depression in check also affect the chemistry in such a way as to make me less interested and less able.  So I’ve started seeing a specialist, and he is assessing my levels of free-testosterone to see if I can tinker with my levels. He explained that if my levels of free T are normal, then adding more T from experience, won’t actually make much difference. So even if I was willing to run around pumped up on extra T incurring side effects, it wouldn’t likely fix the problem. So, I’m hoping my free testosterone levels are lowish, so we can tinker there. Side effects you say? yes, I may grow more hair, but I’m not very hairy, so a little extra shaving or waxing or permanent removal is no biggie, I barely have body hair. I may bulk up some… bring on the muscles baby! I’d be happy to have more muscle mass, muscles are hot. My clit may grow a bit.. excellent. Right now it’s on the slightly hard to find side, I’ve got some room for expansion. So I’m not worried about becoming a hairy muscle bound he-man with a dick sized clitty. As long as it makes me hornier I’m good to go.  The other thing the Dr. recommended, because once aroused I sometimes have a hard time reaching a good strong orgasm, is viagra. So there you go, testosterone and viagra, manly yes, but I like them too.