It’s Christmas Eve! Norad, military tracking system, is used every year to track santa’s movement around the world. Santa is now ‘officially’ on the move, and thanks to sophisticated military satellite tracking, you can check in on his progress.

I find myself feeling very christmassy this year. It’s a great feeling, for some reason that child-like excitement has decided to bubble up to the surface after years and years of dormancy. I thought it was lost for ever. It’s particularly surprising because my depression tends to numb out so much of all of my emotion, who would have guessed that christmas spirit of all things would find a way to put happy flutterings in my stomach. Part of it is our new car. Another part is feeling growing closer to my sister’s family this last couple of years, and I think Christmas is so much about children. Getting to buy goodies for kids evokes all kinds of empathy joy. Chocolate lollipop santas wrapped in foil, toy cars, smelly things for the bath. I think also having enough money, just enough, but enough, do to things ‘right’ makes a difference to me too. Bringing the wine and beer for the hostess gifts, dark 99% bitter chocolate for my mother, other chocolates for the rest of the adults to enjoy. Being able to add the little touches here and there.

One of the things contributing to my Christmassy feelings are memories of childhood. We celebrated European style, my father being Danish and my mother French. What that meant is our Christmas tree would go up undecorated on Christmas Eve. My father would put the lights on, unlit, and then we would each put on one and only one decoration of our choice before going to bed, the tree almost bare. We were then woken up at midnight, though as you got older often you didn’t really sleep much between going to bed and midnight, you would lay in bed restless and excited. But midnight we would be fetched from bed back to the living room. The Christmas tree would be all decorated and lit, that and candles the only light in the house, everything would look magical, all the presents never before seen piled under the tree, and our big coffee table generously over laden with a huge midnight feast of all kinds of amazing treats. First we would eat and drink and chat for a bit, waiting for our grandmother, the only non-athiest in the family, to come home from Catholic midnight mass. She lived with us, and of course celebrated Christmas with us. Then it would be time to open presents. We would designate one ‘elf’ to hand out the gifts to open. One at a time, so we would watch everyone open each others gifts. Protocol would be after opening your gift to go to the giver and give them a hug and kiss thank you, we’re a physically demonstrative family. We would then eat more, drink more, play with and try on our gifts, and generally celebrate until about 3ish in the morning.

I remember one year where I hadn’t recieved any gift of any real substance when I was around 10, and was wondering if I had been forgotten, I was too polite to say anything, but feeling a little slighted and sore around the edges, there was obviously nothing left under the tree. My sister the designated elf, then had me open the sliding doors to the dining room which were right behind me and right beside where our Christmas tree was always put up. Behind the doors was a Guinea Pig cage complete with Guinea Pig and I was completely overjoyed, I think that is the Christmas present I remember clearest.

Christmas morning, when we would finally wake up, would usually find my mother and grandmother busy in the kitchen, where they would be all day. Usually Christmas dinner was a huge dinner party and we would have around 50+ guests. It would be a big buffet and feature a whole roast suckling pig complete with apple in the mouth, the food would cover a huge dining room table and two side buffets. People would sit where ever they could, and things would often get a little wild and crazy later into the night. Those parties must have been quite something to draw so many of my parents friends together on a night where usually traditionally people celebrate just with family. It was like one big extended holiday blast.

So there is no Christmas tree in our condo this year, no decorations at all, yet I feel the most Christmassy I have in years, I can’t wait for tommorow to visit the inlaws, and then boxing day through New Years with my side of the family. Boxing day dinner is going to be one of the meals that has become one of our families modern get together traditions, roll your own sushi, and I can’t wait. That and to watch the kiddies open their little gifts from us. I don’t know what the inlaws are serving for Xmas dinner, though Wolfe says probably turkey.

Just going to relax today, other than pack up for our journey tommorow.

XO
L