When I was a little girl there were all kinds of things I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to be famous for a while, an actress, a dancer, a model. For a brief period when I was ten I wanted to be a truck driver. Which is funny, since I don’t even have a regular drivers license as an adult and have no interest in learning how to drive.

It’s amazing how much we can change through life, from childhood on. A lot changed for me during adolescence. Pre-teen I had been actively singing and dancing and acting, classes and school productions. When I hit my teens my self esteem plummeted, and I became too self conscious to get up in front of the crowd, even dance classes I ended feeling inferior to class mates. I used to love to sing, and would sing often, I sang well. Then it seemed almost overnight I was only mouthing silently the words to happy birthday. My voice silenced. What happened? I’m not entirely sure.

Over time new dreams though would replace old dreams, I always loved drawing, and as I entered my teens I wanted to become an artist. That lasted quite some time, and I went to university to study art. Then another turn of fate, when I tried to transfer from one university to another as a late registrant. Instead of being evaluated by the regular art program committee, my entrance as a late registrant landed my portfolio application in the hands of one man, though I had been a straight A art student at the other University, whose art program was better recognized than the one I was transfering to, he refused my entry application. Devestated at first, I quickly changed plans, and fell back on my electives into psychology, and did my final two years in that instead. After I did my BA in psych, I then went back to the fine art department, to the regular committee, applied, and got into the third year, and quickly did a second bachelors in art. Though by then, psychology became a new love, and when I went on to do a Masters program, it was psychology that drew me.

Then, ironically depression hit me, and I haven’t really had a chance to work much as a therapist, as I’m limited by my own psychological illness.

I think if I could go back in time, I wouldn’t change much though, other than to encourage the child and teen I was. Definitely encourage better grades in highschool to try and get grants and scholarships - as I’m still paying off student loans, not fun on disability.

I think the child I was would like the adult I am too. Overall, I think I did pretty well, and the journey is far from over. I still have dreams of what I’m going to become in the future, what I want to do, and if things come along to change those plans, well then, I’ll just make a new plan.

I could always become a truck driver.

XO
L

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