What’s on my mind. What the fuck isn’t on my mind. Often I think the reason I have a hard time deciding what to write about is because really I’m deciding what not to write about, or both as it were. Let’s face it, making decisions is not a depressives strong point.

I’m thinking that it’s really hard to type in these long fingernails.
I’m thinking that I -REALLY- need a shower and bath.
I’m thinking I really need my nails redone soon before the holidays… as well as my hair dyed.
I’m thinking I need to buy one of those laundry bags to wash delicates in for my lingerie.
I’m thinking I haven’t slept for well over 24 hours now, and that next time I do I’ll probably sleep for 12.
I’m thinking that I haven’t left the house for a couple of weeks.
I’m thinking that war and censorship suck.
I’m thinking that 25 years ago today some disturbed individual shot John Lennon.
I’m thinking Yoko Ono is an enigma.
I’m thinking I’m hungry, but knowing I’m not. That everything makes me nauseous lately, and I always always feel hungry because of my stupid meds.
I’m thinking I had an orgasm the other night, first time in while, don’t even know how long since before that… that I lasted all of a few minutes, and it wasn’t stars it was a sparkler, but a sparkler is better than nada.
I watch t.v. constantly, CONSTANTLY.
We order in a few times a week, usually sushi.
I eat loads of junk food, have high cholesterol and took an online test that predicted I’ll die at 70 of cancer.
I don’t remember the last time I had a glass of water, cola, cola, more cola.
I feel like I’m poisoning myself and I don’t have the motivation not to.
Apathy.
I’m thinking that I’m lucky to be alive, and loved, and living in an affluent part of the world.
I’m thinking that I want my life to mean something, and that I hope to actualize more of that in the future.
I think that there are a lot of things I’ve given up on, yet still many things I hope for.
I miss writing poetry, my inner muse is gone.
I think that there are those in my life who need me, and I have nothing to give them.
I feel barren.
I think that all this non-censored free flowing associated string of ‘I thinks’ with the occasional braver ‘I feel’ has been good for me, and one of my more honest posts of late.
I think there are other people out there, the same, but different, living, learning, loving, struggling.

XO
L

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 8th, 2005 at 11:17 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.