Well, I had a severe mood crash last wednesday, actually it started spiralling down the teusday night before, and by wednesday late afternoon I had worked my way down to the lowest I’ve been in about a year, to the point of feeling suicidal, a place I seriously hoped I would never see again. We went to emergency, and after 5 hours in the waiting room not even knowing what they would or could do for me since they had told me all the beds were full, I couldn’t wait any longer to see the psychiatrist, I was way too agitated and upset.

So we, Wolfe was with me of course, headed back home and instituted plan b, which involved medicating me into oblivion to try to ride out the storm. The main issue to keep me safe from myself. I was so doped up that the whole next day was a blur involving mostly sleep and more sleep, then it was friday and I was feeling down still, but the suicidal impulses had stopped, kept meds a little on the high side still and between yesterday and today I’ve pretty muched leveled out to where I was before.

Now I’m just trying not to dwell on it, there’s nothing worse for getting oneself down by getting down on oneself for being down.

I actually felt up enough today to venture into Chinatown for some dim sum and shopping. We got some blue and white pottery for the kitchen area replacing some old pieces we had. had some yummy sticky rice, shrimp dumplings and shrimp rice rolls… mmmmmmmm.

Just came home now and am watching Nature of things with David Suzuki, I love nature programs, they’re featuring sea otters, and I’m wondering whether they are going to mention the fact that they are the only other mammal besides humans that do it missionary position… probably not, don’t ask me why I know that, I can’t remember where I heard it. They did mention that other than primates they are the only tool using mammals. I think the sex thing is more interesting. Now if they used tools for sex, -that- would be something.

I still have no sex drive, thank you depression and anti-depressant meds, and am wondering whether I will ever get a sex drive again. I do however take joy in being dominant and sexually controlling, so I think it could be fun to get a bottom I could fuck silly, preferably fisting. I still browse ebay for phallic antiquities… you can buy some beautiful semi precious mineral and crystal carved phalluses from south america. I’ve been (pardon the pun) jonesing for some.

Oh, also in chinatown bought a bracelet made with mahjong tiles, I love it, though Wolfe’s not so keen on it, I hate it when he doesn’t adore the things I do, but after all differences are as important to adding to relationships as similarities. It’s just sometimes when you take a lot of pleasure in something you want to be able to share the excitement over it, I’ll just have to ogle it happily on my own.

XO
L

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