well, I’ve always had very healthy strong teeth. Until now. I hadn’t been the dentist for about 5 years, which is pretty normal for me. In the past it’s never been a problem. So I was a little wowed to find out that I have 11 cavities!!! I only have three fillings currently, so to all of a sudden have a big decline in dental/oral health was a bit of a shocker for me. Now, I HATE the dentist, hate it, makes me very anxious. So, because we don’t have a dental plan, I will probably do one cavitie a month approximately. And I have another 2 or 3 cleaning appointments before they start on them. Oh and one of the cavities might require a root canal… joy. The dentist says it’s likely because of the dry mouth I get from my medications, less good bacteria to fight the bad bacteria.

After I had the first cleaning done, just the other day, the dental hygenist walked me over to a nice little sink/vanity area where she brought me a hot wet towellete. With nice soap, lotion and mouth rinse there… Thats when I decided it was going to behoove me to think of it as a dental spa instead of the evil spooky anxiety provoking idea of the dentists office.

Each month for a year… I get to go the tooth spa! Maybe if I say it often enough and cheerily enough I’ll trick myself into enjoying it.

Other than that, not much new, mostly the same old stuff for me. I’ve rediscovered neopets and have been playing around on there a fair bit, escape into the world of my second childhood.

Oh and to anwer the question of the last comment:

“Question if you might indulge me. I watch your web cams sometime and you always look so sad. Alone. Your husband is happy, smiling, arms around someone else that he cares for too. How can you stand that? is that why you look so sad? Or is that the depression and you are ok that your husband is happy somewhere where you are not? I am married. Happily. So it confuses me. Could you enlighten on polyamorous love and the normal human jealousy or does the kind of person you have to be to be poly preclude jeolousy?”

I do feel sad a fair bit of the time, though I don’t really feel alone or lonely, just down. It’s the depression. Most of the time though I’m watching tv. or using the computer, which means that my face is pretty inanimate. Even before I had depression people would sometimes write and ask me why I was sad, and the reality was, I wasn’t. I think when we look at people on a screen we are used to seeing them animated, entertaining, etc. If someone is on screen working, or relaxing, not showing expression, people often seem to assume that they’re unhappy. Tanuki is my husband Wolfe’s girlfriend, and I’ve been intimate with her in the past as well, though I have more of a friendship/sister relationship with her now. I am very happily married, Wolfe is an amazing caring wonderful man, who would never ever be envolved with anyone else if he thought it would be remotely hurtful for me. Actually, I had to really reassure him that I felt fine with him dating Tanuki. I not only have no problem with their intimacy and relationship, but I encourage it. I can be upstairs in the loft on the computer 3 feet away from the bed while they have sex for a couple of hours, and not only do I not get jealous, but I t gives me a warm happy feeling. The medication I have to take pretty much kills my sex drive completely or I’d be on the bed with them taking my turns at the orgasm recieving end. I choose to sleep downstairs, when Tanuki sleeps over. I could choose to sleep up in the same bed as them, but even though it’s a king size, with the pugs and three people, it can be a bit cramped for me, we’ve done it on occasion though. I could also be up in the big bed and make them sleep downstairs, we’re all pretty accomodating. Downstairs works for me, because I usually stay up the latest of everyone, and I like to watch the most tv, which is downstairs, so I hang out happily below on the hide-a-bed with the lap top and the tv. How I can stand it? what makes a person poly and not monogamous? I don’t know, I know it isn’t for everyone, I’ve personally never had an issue with jealousy in my relationship, but know that isn’t true for all poly people, a lot of them have jealousy issues that come up. We have really good communication, very open about everything. I feel that our relationship is very solid and flexible, and neither of us can ever really imagining it ending, and we both have lots of love to share with others. Wolfe loves Tanuki, and I love her too. She loves him, and I love seeing him being happy. I also value her in our life in other ways, I really do feel like family with her, we get silly together, all of us. There is a lot of fun and laughter, and I’m not surprised you see a lot of smiles from Wolfe on the cam when he is interacting with her, I smile and laugh a lot when I interact with her too, she’s a warm giving and fun person to be with. Actually we spent the evening shopping together. Since I don’t have a sex drive it’s kind of a relief even for me that I know he’s getting those needs met. Though to make it clear, being poly for us has never come from a place of feeling that something was lacking in our relationship. If you want more insight into the poly stuff, I would highly recommend the book ‘the ethical slut’ it’s goes into the more common issues related to most poly relationships. I’ve never actually read it, but I know bunches of poly people, and most of them have, and recommend it. Myself, I feel the more people you love, the more love you have. Just like having more than one child doesn’t make you love any of your children less, having more romantic loves doesn’t make you love any of your lovers less. We can, and do, love more than one person in our lives, and we can love more than one person romantically. Instead of having that be something that is seen as threatening, or something to create fear, tension, or jealousy, I just prefer to see it as something to enjoy and celebrate.

Thanks for asking me, It was a fun question to answer, and it got me off my butt and writing in my journal!!!

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