So nothing much has changed with me really. I guess maybe I’m getting slowly ‘better’ with my depression all the time, It seems though that it’s not so much that my depression has become more diminished, rather that I’ve become more accustomed to coping with the limitations it imposes on me. I’m skeptical that things will get much better than they are. But skepticism, and a lack of hope are on that list of symptoms that come with depression mud pie.

I’m not doing very well with the psychiatrists instructions to modify my sleeping patterns so that I don’t sleep in in the mornings. I cling to my sleep almost every morning till as long as I can, it seems painful to leave my morning dreams, though they are always filled with bizarre and sometimes sickly dimensions.

This morning it was a kitten with severe tapeworm leaving segments all over my home in my dreams along with other infestations of worms in weird places, like the strawberries I was eating. The night before it was man sized tarantulas laying eggs in people. Infestations of things that instill revulsion and fear in me are common in my dream symbolism and I think a direct reference to the infestation of depression in my life. That I may be together on the outside, but inside of me is a lot of rot. Now that I’ve shared such darling concepts with you…

What else is new, Wolfe tested and passed for his black belt in kickboxing. Got it all on tape, thanks to tanuki, and I’m uber proud of him. He’s doing fantastic, particularly considering he’s not exactly in peek form given his trouble with his GI tract, it’s almost certain that he has crohns considering his symptoms. He has to wait till April to get further tests done. I’m trying not to worry about him too much, as he seems pretty relaxed about it, I get knots in my own gut if I think about it too much.

Our puppy Bella is fully recovered from getting spayed, though still have problems with her house training, she will still go on the floor without warning at times. It means the oriental rugs are -still- rolled up so that it’s concrete and tile only, and we can keep things clean. I miss my rugs! I hope she improves. Pugs are known to be slow learners in that regard, and I’ve heard some never become fully house-broken. I hope that’s not her! Iggy is great, not only does he only go outdoors, he can hold it a long time, and when he needs to go he goes to the door and gives a bark. Nice clear communication. In fact sometimes he can seem to tell that she needs to go and he barks at her, and we take her out, or we don’t, she pees on the floor, and we get what he was trying to tell us. He’s a chatty dog.

I’ve been living in the land of Neopia. For those of you who are familiar with neopets, you’ll understand. I was playing a while back, left off for a year or so, and am playing again. It’s a silly fantasy escape, but it’s where my head is at, simple, child-like, fantasy fun.

Wolfe and I have been shooting lots of fun photo sessions, as usual, too much to keep track of. Going to go to the art gallery tonight with a model of ours that travelled all the way from Manchester in the UK to do a head shaving fetish shoot! It’s a beautiful warm sunny day.

The weather here has been fantastic, mild, and lots of sunny days. It’s always funny to watch the reports of snow and cold temperatures in the eastern US, and I so often run into people online who assume our weather in Vancouver Canada must be super cold, when we’re so much milder in weather. Warmer winters and cooler summers, really closest to Seattle weather.

Been to a number of play parties of late, and have enjoyed playing with Wolfe ganging up on tanuki, but often feel like I’m butting in. I know Wolfe dosen’t mind at all, but I feel kind of… like I don’t really know what my status is with tanuki, and I feel like I’m not sure if she knows either. So I’m just kind of… peripheral. Been trying to connect with joni more, but timing has been off with us.

Now I’m going over to Victoria on Vancouver Island for a bit, visit family and have a change of pace. Enough from me, I’m off to neopia.

XO
Leila

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 10th, 2005 at 5:16 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.