Sometimes, at my worst, I feel dead inside. Depression is like being the walking, or rather laying down, dead. My brain doing as little as it can, mindlessly absorbing television or simple computer games or hours upon hours of sleep. It’s not the worst depression can feel for me, it’s better than the times where I feel such a deep horrible complete sense of hoplessness and emotional pain, that I long for total death. Enough about that… I had a good Christmas.

Honestly, I don’t know whether it’s positive or not, that I feel almost that I’m acclimatizing to feeling like crap a lot of the time…
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The days crawl by and yet fly by in depression land. Actually, I’m not feeling too bad right this moment which is why I’m writing.

I finally had a referral come through for a psychiatrist, this one does three sessions which are for assessment, then decides if progressing together is the best course, so I won’t know for a bit whether I’ll be continuing on with him or not. Which is good, because it gives me time to see whether I feel it’s a good fit for me as well. I’ve kept off the diet cola, which I’m not sure is making a difference depression wise, but is making a difference simply in feeling good about my physical health, as I know that amount of diet cola simply isn’t good for you, and was affecting me in other ways, sodas lead to bone loss for one, it also replaced water in my diet, and that’s never good to subsititute out. So now I’m back to habits from a few years ago, and drinking water and green tea. I’ve been trying to eat healthier in general too, and have been making gains in that direction. If only I could get the excersize part of things back on track.
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