Give up diet coke…
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Thanks for the help! no seriously, I know I should, I’ve been trying to switch to watered down cranberry juice. Which I actually love quite a bit. Old habits are hard to change. There are so many things I know I should be doing to help with changing my own chemistry to help with the depression, good food, cut out processed foods, sugar, flour, aspartame, probably gluten in general as there seems to be an intolerance for it that runs in the family. On the other hand, these are all things I’m highly addicted to as well. It seems that you crave the things that fuel the depression, and find things contrary to it, very difficult to undertake, I know sleeping in a cave made of pillows and blankets on the bed well into the afternoon with breaks for diet cola and cereal are not really the daily choices I should be making.
On the other hand, getting washed, dressed, and eating healthy, and maybe even going out my front door, seem pretty insurmountable. I eat and drink what Wolfe puts in front of me, and sometimes whine and wail for craved unhealthy things. If he doesn’t feed me, I usually forget to eat, and get dehydrated to boot. Then I get into the land of weird wonky low sugar and dehydrated sleepy dream land, and don’t leave the bed at all.
Nice to know I have some regular readers out there, sometimes I wonder who’s reading! Bit don’t write me, I’m barely talking/writing to myself, hardly talking to Wolfe, and making occasional noises at people who Wolfe lets in through the front door if I’m not hiding. My email has been not only going unreplied for the most part, but unread as well.
Also I haven’t made porn in eons… that’s how I know I’m -really- sick. Seriously, I love taking photos. One of our models had popped into tonight, and we talked about setting up a headshave shoot, and some foot fetish pics. Light, fun, no major nudity, just something to do that needs to be done, that I would probably enjoy.
I need to do some BBW pics too, and that involves more effort, I don’t like to ‘pose’ for pics without there being feeling, If I’m going to take pics of me that are supposed to look sexy, I want to feel sexy, and that hasn’t been happening much as of late. Off and on, but mostly on. Taking photos though is another story, it’s much more of a creative process for me than an erotic one. So if there are any big beautiful Vancouver girls out there who want to be porn stars…. I’m always looking for more! There are NO bad bodies.
ah well, such is life, I know this too, shall eventually pass.
In the meantime, It’s 1AM here, which is my ‘prime time’ I’ll be going to sleep around 5AMish, so I’m going to go find some dull late time TV, maybe read some of the piers anthony Xanth fantasy easy to swallow literarly mush that I’ve been mulling through again recently, maybe just have a little cup of the no caffiene, no sugar, highly aspartamed cola in my fridge (I can’t throw it out! - it’s holy water!)
XO
Leila
November 6th, 2004 at 9:23 am
It’s good to hear from you again
November 6th, 2004 at 1:03 pm
It is hard and tried to quit for 10 years. Finally I said "okay depression or this" and I just stopped cold turkey. The first 3 days were hellish for sure, took loads of vitamins, drank a lot of water, cried like a junky, but it was all uphill after a week. Tried to give up many things all at once but found just one main thing worked - now going on to sugar and flour. It seems like if you try for all at once it fails. This was the same way I gave up smoking too. Yes, unfortunately, we keep wanting the things that keep us depressed. Strange what we humans do, no? Whatever you choose good luck with it. Make a plan. Put it in writing. And then just go for it!!
"it’s holy water" was hilarious. Laughed out loud!
November 9th, 2004 at 2:18 pm
I very recently (within the past three months) gave up sugar and gluten and really focused on the consumption of natural foods rather than their processed counterparts. The first two weeks were somewhat iffy (mostly because I had to refrain from eating even fruit to kick my sugar addiction), but, with the introduction of wholemeal flour and reintroduction of fruit (in moderation) I’m feeling all the better for it.
For most of my adult life I’ve battled depression (which I know is highly sought after if you consider yourself ‘artistic’, at least in some groups) and the winter months always prove to the the absolute worst. I’m more than confident I can get through the cold stretch this year due to my new dietary habits. It’s crazy insane that little changes can make such a big impact, I’ve never been happier OR more productive in my life.
November 16th, 2004 at 1:24 am
When I was in Las Vegas in 1999, I dropped into Coke World, right next door to the MGM and was able to drink unlimited amounts of Coca Cola Products from around the world. It was welcome as it was hott outside.
November 20th, 2004 at 3:01 pm
it’s now nov in uk i welcome the dark days at least you know you can sleep in peace and longer