Started out with going to see David Copperfield on Teusday evening with Wolfe. It was amazing, truly, no surprise, magical. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen a major illusionist live, and it was well worth it.
I would go again! We had yummy sushi afterwards and shared our amazement over the seeming impossibility of the illusions, but not too much scrutiny, it’s fun to suspend your disbelief now and then.

Wednesday night I spent the day with my adult baby girl jOni, we lunched, shoped for hours, and then went to the local bdsm munch for dinner and socialized with some of the great folx in that community. A cute boy there caught my eye, and got me thinking about maybe accepting some of the emails I have from some of the cute local subby boys that want to pose for pics. I’ve been naughtily ignoring those mails. That and the fact that I need to shoot adult baby boy photo content, and I just got a load of supplies, clothes, diapers, plastic pants, and more from Mommy Gillie. She’s a Mommy who has been active in the local AB community in the past, and is now unfortunately moving out of town…
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I have this wonderful self preservation/defense mechanism, I forget the vast majority of unpleasant things that happen to me in life. The more fragile I am in the present emotionally and mentally the less memory I have, and when I’m seriously stressed and at my lowest peak, I forget even the simple things, my phone number, my address. But those are the dark dark days of the worst times, which I seem to be out of now. Though my memory impairment is still pretty substantial.

But I’m thinking tonight, mostly of my long past memories that have been buried, not the recent past, not the couple of years ago when I was in and and out of rock bottom suicidality and had to dig my way through my tears and my haze to struggle to remember who I was where I lived, and what numbers I came with, sometimes successfully, sometimes not. Depression is an evil illness.

My long past memories…
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ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Thanks for the help! no seriously, I know I should, I’ve been trying to switch to watered down cranberry juice. Which I actually love quite a bit. Old habits are hard to change. There are so many things I know I should be doing to help with changing my own chemistry to help with the depression, good food, cut out processed foods, sugar, flour, aspartame, probably gluten in general as there seems to be an intolerance for it that runs in the family. On the other hand, these are all things I’m highly addicted to as well. It seems that you crave the things that fuel the depression, and find things contrary to it, very difficult to undertake, I know sleeping in a cave made of pillows and blankets on the bed well into the afternoon with breaks for diet cola and cereal are not really the daily choices I should be making.

On the other hand, getting washed, dressed, and eating healthy, and maybe even going out my front door, seem pretty insurmountable. I eat and drink what Wolfe puts in front of me, and sometimes whine and wail for craved unhealthy things. If he doesn’t feed me, I usually forget to eat, and get dehydrated to boot. Then I get into the land of weird wonky low sugar and dehydrated sleepy dream land, and don’t leave the bed at all.
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Our evening news here in Vancouver BC says immigration from the U.S. has been substantially higher since sept. 11, and there has been allready a lot of buzz on the internet and inquiries to Canada immigration services from U.S. in the last 2 days that shows there may very well be a large number of U.S. citizens whom are anti-war and anti-Bush seriously considering a move North.

Just to let you know… job growth is happening here in B.C., in particular we have a big shortage of nurses… amoung other professionals. Hey anti-war U.S. peeps! this Canadian wants you as her new neighbour!

The scary thought, is if all the non-militant anti-right move out, what kind of U.S.A will be left?!

Mind you a lot of the communities in B.C. that I really love, such as many of our gulf island communities are made up of a fair number of Vietnam war draft dodgers. Many of them contributing to our arts communities, and well, some growing some of our pot.

It’s interesting to think how a country is formed by it’s citizens, and how trends build onto one another. subtle and not so subtle global shifts influencing the temperment and makeup of many different nations.

Too bad we can’t ship some of the Canadian Bush supporters south!

Been in my hiding hermit space lately, and also spent some days away visiting family as well over halloween. Struggling with the cursed black dog of depression still, it’s fangs firmly embedded in my neck. Still glad to be alive and well, if not kicking, napping. . I’m also concerned I may be coming down with another bug, nationalism. I’ve tried to be a happy social humanitarian anarchist most of my life, and not define myself by the borders of my country. But I can honestly say, I feel very happy to be North of the U.S. border in good old Canada.

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