I miss kickboxing

Katt Posted in General
3

I really miss practicing martial arts, its been what, like 3 years now. Since my depression, multiple hospitalizations, anti-depressants, etc, I’ve gained weight, lost muscle tone, and have the cardio of a sloth. Forget my totemic animal being the panther, I should change it to the sloth. Moving in slo-mo.
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Just when I thought I couldn’t feel any crappier

Katt Posted in General
0

Urgh, I have aches all over my body, I think every lymph node I own is swollen, I want nymph lodes instead… mmmmm… the mother load of nymphs. I’d be too tired to have at them, but maybe they’d be willing to have at me, not that I’m really well enough to enjoy loads of nymphs.

Yes, I’m out of my gord, I’m probably running a fever…
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Another Quiz… what colour are you?

Katt Posted in General
2

You are the color red. You are the most controversial of all the colors. You are often easily angered, but as easily as you got excited, you come down. When angered, do you have the tendency to be malicious? Afterwards do you end up begging for forgiveness? Maybe But you’re incredibly generous, and, odd enough, needy. You love to hate, and sometimes, you hate to love. This color describes you as generally edgy. When in a bad situation, you’re pessimistic, and when you’re in a good situation, you’re extremely optimistic. You’re painfully tempermental, and sometimes it hurts the ones you love. But with an exciting and stimulating attitude, you enjoy talking to people and being social. But aside from your bold and outgoing attitude, you’re attention-needing and attention-getting. This color is associated with lust and desire–and you are both lust and desirous. You’re a protective person when it comes to the people you love. You’re incredibly sharp-witted and powerful (not to mention intelligent!).

What color are you? (Amazingly detailed & accurate–with pics!)
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Another Quiz… what colour are you?

Katt Posted in General
0

HASH(0x8b86ba0)
You are the color red. You are the most
controversial of all the colors. You are often
easily angered, but as easily as you got
excited, you come down. When angered, do you
have the tendency to be malicious? Afterwards,
do you end up begging for forgiveness? Maybe.
But you’re incredibly generous, and, odd
enough, needy. You love to hate, and
sometimes, you hate to love. This color
describes you as generally edgy. When in a bad
situation, you’re pessimistic, and when you’re
in a good situation, you’re extremely
optimistic. You’re painfully tempermental, and
sometimes it hurts the ones you love. But with
an exciting and stimulating attitude, you enjoy
talking to people and being social. But aside
from your bold and outgoing attitude, you’re
attention-needing and attention-getting. This
color is associated with lust and desire–and
you are both lust and desirous. You’re a
protective person when it comes to the people
you love. You’re incredibly sharp-witted and
powerful (not to mention intelligent!).

What color are you? (Amazingly detailed & accurate–with pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Memo to self

Katt Posted in General
2

Do not get a really nasty head cold while you are having your period, and are taking care of a new puppy, and your depression seems to be on a downswing. I feel like crap, or rather as Wolfe was saying when his cold peaked last week ‘a flaming bag of dog shit’. Last week though, was rather nicer…
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connect the fucking dots.. .

Katt Posted in General
3

Dissassociating on the television faces, making lines and shapes by joining iris to nostril to lip corner like playing connect the dots. Not real people, just a conglomoration of spots, light in miniture combinations of red blue and green creating illusions on my little screen.

Is nothing what it seems?…
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Another Quiz… what type of pin-up would you be?

Katt Posted in General
0

You’d be Bettie Page!
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hmmm… me? a chameleon? moi?

Animal Guide Quiz

Katt Posted in General
0

Jaguar Spirit Calls To You! Jaguar’s Wisdom Includes:

Seeing the roads within chaos
Understanding the patterns of chaos
Moving without fear in the darkness
Facilitating soul work
Empowering oneself
Moving in unknown places
Shapeshifter
Psychic sight
HASH(0x8a8b788)

Animal Spirit Guides ~ Which One Calls To You?
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Pretty accurate for me, I’ve used the nic Black Katt, from pre-internet days on old BBS systems. I wrote a poem about myself named black Katt when I was 13, and I used to imagine I was a black panther when I was a child playing animal games…

Munch and more

Katt Posted in General
2

I went to the Vancouver BDSM munch last night with my baby t-girl jOni, which was very very nice. It was a really big turnout, and it’s nice to see familiar faces. One of our local greats in toy making, had a really yummy studded leather paddle, studded on one side, smooth on the other, that had metal housed cleverly inside. It was the ‘hardest’ leather paddle I’ve seen…
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Mmmmm Tanukis are fun!

Katt Posted in General
2

I’ve been having a yummy week playing with Wolfe’s little toy tanuki. I’ve attached some pics from a photo shoot we did together. Have I mentioned before that I love pain sluts? I think I have…

There is nothing to bring out the Domme side in me like someone who can achieve multiple orgasm through a few good smacks, and about a million other things that you can do…
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Poison and panic

Katt Posted in General
0

Well, I had too much excitement today. Wolfe and tanuki headed out to go hiking this morning, and shortly after they left, while I was alone with the dogs, the two of them on the porch playing, me watching from up in the loft, keeping a mothers close eye. I noticed Bella had found something and was chewing on it, she dropped it, and I realized it was a cigarette butt. I took off down the ladder and out to the porch as quick as I could, rushing to her and prying open her mouth just as she finished swallowing down the last of the butt. Well, filters filter nicotine and other toxins, and are basically little doggie poison pills, especially when you are looking at a puppy so young, and so small…
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Flakey Friday

Katt Posted in General
3

I’ve been mostly out of it today. I stayed up late last night, played with tanuki, Wolfe’s little girl for almost 3 hours last night, blindfolded on the bed. She was a lot of fun. I think I caned, spanked, paddled and hand fucked a good couple of dozen orgasms out of her. Multi-orgasmic pain sluts are fun!
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Wiggy Piggy

Katt Posted in General
2

Well, posed in my new wig, (big tacky red do) and my new camy and boy shorts. Here’s some pics, they are more porny than arty pics, my work ranges from very arty to very porny, and these are very porny corny in my opinion. I had fun doing them though. You can see my bottom half is disproportionally larger than my top half, that’s why two of our new sites are http://www.namiolive.com and http://www.buriedinbutt.com and not something to do with generous bodacious ta-tas. I feel like I look exactly like what I am in a very stereotypical way in these pics, a bbw 35 year old porn model. The funny thing is, I usually don’t portray that, people usually assume I’m a lot younger for one, and I usually look more alternative, and a lot less…. hmmmm… oh just look at the pics, you’ll see what I mean.

So that was what I was up to for part of the night, that and masturbating like a horny freak while Wolfe was out kickboxing, don’t know what came over me, but it only lasted 5 minutes, and neither the bagged extra large carrot or the shoe chair, the only two sexual aids I used, seemed any less the worse for wear.

That’s my life.

Oh, and my darling sissy baby jOni called me, and we had a long long talk on the telephone, am so looking forward when she comes back into town and we can get together for a meal, a long chat, and some play time. I am looking forward to mommying again, I think it will be healing, even though my relationship with jOni is very different than it was with my baby boy. I think I feel bonded with jOni on a very deep level, with a lot of mutual respect and love, though I don’t have sexually intimate feelings towards her. The boy I had a lot of sexual feelings for, a lot of lust, and definitely love and mommying, but there was also less security. jOni is very good at making one feel loved and appreciated, I always come away feeling happier and more secure when we spend time together.

One of the things we chatted about was water sports, she asked around whether I thought of doing a site around that, and the answer is no, not because I don’t love the golden scene, I do, but because we have too many sites going already, and also, getting variety and location with golden scenes can be a challenge, particularly in a little place like ours. Especially since I’m not in good enough shape to straddle the tub in a squat that can last up to 15 minutes, kick boxing was good for that, I don’t have the leg strength any more. yes 15 minutes, my bladder can hold up to 3-4 litres, and I can make a shower scene last a long time, I have good aim, and I like leaving a layer of piss in the bottom of the tub that’s substantial, besides if someone is drinking my urine because I’m pissing in their mouth, etc, then it’s more dilute, and healthier. So long story shorter, jOni and I are going to hunt for a pee pee pool, a not too child-like wading pool to use for wet scenes, I want to use it for both the Dark Nursery site, and my bdsm sites for water sport related photo shoots (I may not do a site, but I may do relevant golden content for age play and for bdsm). Yay for the pee pee pool.

Little bella puppy is sweet as usual, and every day is a new discovery for her little puppy self, which means usually a new discovery of cuteness for us as puppy parents.

I feel really good, maybe splitting with the boy was the best thing after all, I never did feel entirely secure with him. I don’t think he was consciously ‘playing’ me, I just honestly think he’s not entirely sure what he wants, or wants a number of conflicting things, and is not completely sure in himself and where he’s going in his life. But I can’t speak for other people, that’s my feel on it, and not the truth of it, only he knows that. What I can say with certainty, is that I remarkably good, even… happy, not about parting ways, but just in general… hmmm, maybe my meds are working somewhat. Still not your normal level of ‘functioning’ the depression still keeps me glued to the couch, bed and computer a lot, and prevents me from leaving the apartment a lot. I try not to think about the ‘what if it doesn’t get any better’ question, and just try to enjoy what I have. I honestly would like to get back to regular work, get out of disability status, and feel fully recovered from this illness. I think a lot of people assume that with mood disorders people are ‘choosing’ their mood, or have control over it. I don’t, trust me, I don’t take my medications, I get so low, so confused, and so out of it, desperate, sad, and no impulse control, that I get suicidal. It’s very biological, I take my medication, and I function better, but not like it was before I was depressed. For instance, I still struggle with occasional insomnia, nightmares, yet if I take enough of the medication prescribed for me to help me sleep, then I’m more out of it the next day, a lower dose doesn’t help the sleep problem, a high enough dose to help the sleep problem leaves me feeling even more ‘down’ the next day, apathetic and lethargic. That’s just the night part, the day to day stuff has it’s own challenges as well. There have been stressors, for instance, the BC govt. forgave my BC student loan when I became ‘permanently’ disabled, but the Canadian student loan is still active, and part of it has gone to collections, because we had to declare bankruptcy a while back, directly because of my depression. So now they want money from us, money we don’t have. They don’t make it easy, the paperwork and hoops to jump through to get it ‘postponed’ by proving our inability to pay and my disability is ridiculous. The cost of education is already to high. I think ironically enough, my depression is a direct result of being someone who was for several years forced to borrow enormous sums of money, work one or two jobs, in order to go to school full time. Years and years of over work, under sleep, and financial worry, growing dept, I graduate, and not too far afterwords, break down into a deep depressive state. From the past stress, and then the current realization that I will be working for many years to pay off a debt for my education. I would have made a better living over 20 years as a waitress, than in my field as a therapist, even though making a much higher wage, having to pay a huge debt back. If things don’t change, education will be only for the rich, and the shortage they have of professionals here in Canada will increase.

Believe me, I know many people who have gone south to work in the US because with a higher education, like me with my masters, can make a lot more money than here. But I love this part of the world, I love BC, and the city of Vancouver. Besides, right now I don’t feel comfortable even travelling in the US, due to personal political and ethical beliefs, which I won’t go into right now… enough of that, I’ll stop this long entry before I’m tempted to go into that huge mess.

XO
Leila