At least he had the balls….
At least he had the balls to call back, finally, and “dump” me, well, it was kind of mutual, I basically said if he couldn’t be honest and let me know when he was planning on hooking up with other women, and being intimate with other people, that it violated my ability to trust him. I’m poly, I’m open, I can do light casual fuck friend stuff, but this had already gone to the I love you stage, and let’s be fluid bonded exchange paperwork stage… and well, I have no problem sharing up the wazoo, I just have a need to be informed. Well oddly enough for a subby baby boy, he has a problem with telling his mommy when he’s going to have a sleep over with someone else. Hence he labelled the relationship as being ‘much too serious’ … I’m not sure what he expected from me, unconditional service with a smile? I basically said, no trust, no nookie, if he can’t let me know what is going on in his life, particularly his intimate life, then I can’t really be sexually intimate and loving with him, because I don’t have the trust. If you don’t have trust, you don’t have much of anything. So, given my conditions, his decision is that we can’t see one another again. I suggested a friendship, and if he wanted to still do photos and play without sexual intimacy, that I would be open to that, but he felt he couldn’t do that. So it was a full out full stop.
I’m sure there is another woman out there, who is kinky, Dominant, willing to mommy an adult baby boy, with a big booty, who is polyamorous, will let him explore to his hearts content, and live out all his fantasies… NOT, well maybe, but highly unlikely, who knows, he’s probably going to go with plan B, which is the standard that most men in his position get into, Lovely wife who he loves dearly and loves him in return, family, 2.5 kids and a dog, and a secret life with a pro-Dom and a lot of porn. Hell, if stuck with my crowd, at least he would have had a chance, even my help, with hooking up with someone who is going to be kink friendly. I would have had no problem helping him find a long term who was the whole package when he was ready for that, as well, as let him play around now in the meantime. I still don’t entirely get at what was so impossible for him from my expectations.
Okay, enough about the boy, done, over. As Wolfe says you never listen to yourself when you have those early warning signals, and I had concerns early on, like when I was in hospital and he didn’t think of visiting until Wolfe highly recommended it. Other little things too, asking myself, is there some empathy lack here? So as usual, I kept suspending my fears and doubts, holding on to hopes and dreams, until I get to the slap in the face rip a hole in my heart reality check. Well, there’s a lot of scar tissue there, and it never really heals, but at the same time, I’m used to just slapping a bandage on the sucker, and do my best to soldier on… ha ha.
Okay, enough about that, time to focus on the people who love me. I had an amazing night with Wolfe last night, doing some nasty age play forced sex role play in the dark… yummy. It was one of those long slow build orgasms, that didn’t end in a really big ‘wham’, but had a huge amount of tension and emotional release, which is what I really needed.
Bio party happening next weekend too, and really want to go to that, I do think I’ll have to find a toy of my own for a while, not that I minded co-topping little tanuki Wolfe’s toy at the last party. Reminds me, I have to write back to cbt boy.
Going to try to get out a bit this week, and reconnect with the world, have to see, it’s tricky with a baby in the house, that little puppy, I don’t want to leave her for more than 3 hours alone kennelled. That’s the length of her bladder/sleep time after a long play and a pee.
Speaking of Bella the beautiful… here is another pic of my darling.
time to go, was heading out on my way to value village when the boy just called today, just before I wrote this entry, and well, now I’m all dressed up, but not going to go. Wolfe has to head to kickboxing, and I’ve lost my taste for a shopping outing, though I’m all dressed, painted, and ready to roll. Not enough time first of all, because I really don’t want to leave the puppy alone, and well, still a little emotional from talking to the boy, though it was the outcome I had pretty much expected and prepared for, honestly, I didn’t think he was going to call at all.
Time to strip off the too hot clothes, and get a cool drink, and curl up in front of the tv and play with the puppy. Damn, and I was looking so smoking too… 
No regrets, I loved loving him while it lasted, will continue to, but know that first and foremost, it’s got to be loving me first, which means insisting on my limits, my boundaries, and my needs for trust, security, and respect.
XO
Leila
I’d get snarky, and say, he could kiss my ass.. but actually, it’s the other way around… no more ass kissing from that sweet boy.
