After my post about my med change and regaining some of my sex drive, I got a bunch of mail from people curious to know what was working for me, because they’re having unwanted similar side effects, or other problems with their meds, so Im going to cut and paste what I wrote to the first enquirey, and hopefully save on lots of repeat mails! Not that I don’t mind getting mail, especially when it’s from my journal, sometimes I forget people are reading it, and other times, I think, gee, the people reading this, what kind of nut do they think I am… so when I get nice mail, it’s a bonus. Anyways, here’s the cut and paste from the meds thing… (with a few extra additions)

I’m taking Imimprimine, it’s one of the old dinosaur drugs, one of the original tricyclics. It works great for me, because I’m one of the lucky people that doesnt suffer a lot of side effects from it. The older drugs have a few things going for them, they know what long term use may have on a patient who has to take them for life, since they’ve been around that long, newer drugs can only speculate. So you know ‘exactly’ what you’re in for, and if you have to pay for your medication, they are ALOT cheaper than the newer drugs. There’s often a push from doctors, and from drug companies, for people to use the newest and latest anti-depressents, but some of the older ones work just as well, if not better, for some people. What I’ve discovered both as a patient, and as a therapist, is everybody responds differently to each medication (some of the ones I’ve tried made me worse, not better). What works great for one person is a total nightmare for another. I think if you feel you’re not getting as good results as you would like from your current meds, that you talk with your Doc/psych about trying something else – and if you go the library or a bookstore, and look at the books they have for consumer guides to prescription meds, you may come up with a few different options you might want to try, and to suggest to them. After all, it’s your brain/body – welbutrin (spelling?!) is supposed to be great for a) not gaining weight and b) not affecting sex drive, but I tried it, and it made me so agitated and angry (not a usual symptom of my depression) that I felt violent, out of control, and practically homicidal, I had to stop taking it within days of trying it. Everyone reacts differently. So check out the drugs on your own, what side effects they have/don’t have, and see if you can find one that’s a better fit for you. Sometimes the trial and error process can be painful, ups and downs of adjusting to new brain chemistry is not fun, but it can pay off in the long run. I think expirementing with your meds, or different med options can be a tricky thing, and you need to weigh the options, and make sure you have supports in place to help you cope, in case trying something new ends up being disasterous. Like a family member, friend, loved one, therapist, etc, who is keeping an eye on how you’re responding, because sometimes when you’re going ‘off’ because your brain chemistry isn’t liking what it’s doing, you can be oblivious that it’s not working, or in denial, or apathetic about the fact that it’s having a negative effect if part of the negative effect is feeling numb and apathetic! Or you may ‘feel’ great, but an outsider may be able to tell that really you seem ‘over-medicated’ yeah you feel great because you’re in happy land, but you’ve lost have your rational with it. Having shitty brain chemsitry is a big big pain, trying to balance it out to be more ‘normal’ and functional for you, is complicated, and peronsal. Depending on the ‘worst case scenario’ from a change in meds, you have to weigh whether it’s worth the risk for the possible gains of a new med that may work better.

On an entirely different note, I had my hair done today, I have corn rows up to the crown of my head and then a couple of rows of free single braids, and then corn rows on the back, still shaved on the sides. Last time I had the whole mohawk done with lots of free single braids, but since I was always pulling it back into one ponytail, or two ponytails, I figure I’d have all the parts of my head that would have hair pulled tight over it when my hair was in pony tails, corn-rowed to my head. I’m liking it, it feels great, better than the single braids all over, because having ‘hair’ in or around my face would drive me nuts, so I was always pulling it back, now it’s back all the time, but still has long braidy bits back there that I can play with – woo hoo! It was also a third of the price of having the whole thing done in single free braids, because the corn rows are fewer, faster, and use less added hair. I think I’m becoming a braid addict.

I’m giving serious thought to taking the mohawk to a ‘q’… just one patch of hair, round or square, right on the top of my crown, the area that I end up having in a ponytail or two pony tails, and just growing that chunk and shaving the rest… hmmmmmm…. I have a few months of these braids growing out to think about whether I really want to do it or not.

XO
Leila.