Well life as usual, has been interesting, to say the least. Since I became involved (non-sexual) with an Adult Baby in a Dommie Mommie role, and have planned a birthing scene, (for later today no less), life has been pretty interesting.
Besides the usual down days from my depression which keep me limited, I’ve in the inbetween times been up to odds and ends, mostly working on the new Age Play, adult baby, website I’ve been doing, Dark Nursery.
Through that website, someone looking for participants for a segment on Adult Babies for the HBO real sex series, got a hold of me and invited me to participate. I agreed, and I’m heading out to L.A. to film in a big adult baby house party setting next weekend. I’m pretty hyped about that, and hoping I’ll have some time to shop for big girl clothes while I’m down there. When I travelled to Chicago some years ago for my residency requirement for the Masters program in psych that I was doing at the time, I didn’t have hardly any time to shop, but did discover, that ‘regular’ stores in the mall carried sizes all the way into the plus range. Here in Canada, other than a couple of very large department stores that carry everything for everyone. Clothing stores are ‘segregated’ into regular size stores, and plus size stores. With limited stores and selection for big women. So, I’m crossing my fingers! Shopping is fun fun fun. I just hope that the area they put me up in the hotel isn’t too far from cheapo stores… cause I’m a cheapo girl.
Speaking of cheapo, I had recently bought a long red leather dress on Ebay for a steal, and loved it so much, I had to order another one in black, it arrived today – it’s been a good week! Yesterday I bought another dress on ebay, this one a black and red silk asian mini dress… grrrr…. purrrrr… sexy clothes that fit me perfect, I love it. I’m now going to try and wean myself off of ebay shopping for a time, because I simply cannot afford to buy any more clothes (other than what I’ve budgeted for LA) I’m also pretty set for fall/winter clothes now, so I shouldn’t need to buy anything for quite some time. It’s a good feeling. For me, it’s really important, when I’m not feeling great about myself, or I’m feeling bad about all my weight gain (damn medications!!!!!) That I’m dressed really well, and looking put together, can sometimes make all the difference in the world. It can be just enough to give me that little boost. (Nothing like leather to give you a boost).
So today is a special day for me in another way as well. As I mentioned earlier, today is the day where I have my birthing scene with my Adult Baby girl. It’s the first ‘marker’ in this age-play relationship of major significance. It marks a commitment to one another for a D/s relationship of a special kind. It marks me embracing and honouring the role of an Ageplay Mommy. It’s a time of reflection for me, to look at a phase of life that perhaps I am entering on a larger scale. That of nurturing, and contribution. That over all I am entering a stage of my life, that hopefully will continue on well into the future, where I am able to give something back to community over all. The psychologist Erickson who identified a series of psycho-social stages of human development labelled one of the stages of life Generative vs Stagnation, said do start/develop between the ages of 25-50. Generativity is described as the ability to be productive and creative in any area of life, especially those that have to do with raising the next generation of people. According to Erickson, although this is often done through parenthhod, simply having children is neither necessary nor is it sufficient to be generative. A person who does not find a way to be generative is said to experience stagnation (a sense of “going nowhere”).
I feel that I have been a very creative person, and someone who has given back to society and community throughout my life, but it feels like this is becoming more and more a focus in my life as time goes on, and I feel in part, that the ‘re-birthing’ I’ll be sharing with my girl today is more than just the birth of acknowledging our roles with one another, but also acknowledging her Adult baby self in it’s indepencence/dependency, and my role as a generative spirit.