As a child I used to talk, move, etc, in my sleep. As I moved into adult hood it went away. Until. This morning.

I’ve been having nightmares lately, and I’m a lucid dreamer. This means I’m aware I’m dreaming while in the dream. Sometimes it’s to a split degree, it’s like part of me knows I’m dreaming, and part believes. Anyways. I’m aware I’m dreaming.

This morning I’m having a nightmare where I’m treading water in shallow ocean just off shore. It’s a post apocalyptic setting where our area has experienced risen ocean levels and global warming, meaning the ocean is warmer. We have to swim along the shore in this dream to get to a safe location after an incident we’re fleeing. Wolfe, ash, and myself are in the water. Out of the murk and debris a huge shape swerves by and reveals itself to be a medium size spotted shark of some kind. Not a great white, but something say around 150lbs? big enough to do some serious damage that would easily lead to death in the current state of the post-apocalyptic world when we’re in the middle of fleeing for our lives.

So we stay watching to see after it passes us if it’s going to leave us alone or circle back before we try to swim on. It circles back and it’s coming for me.

Voice in the back of my brain goes, hey, thats okay. We know we’re just dreaming right. Shark is nearing. I’m thinking dream or not, I do NOT want to dream being bitten by this shark. So doing what lucid dreamers do in nightmares, I take control. I decide, no problem, I will change the dream outcome. I will use my martial arts training (ha ha) and give this shark a big mighty punch in the nose. I visualize how I plan the dream to unfold with the shark being badly dazed then swimming off wildly. Then I pull back and haul off.

Thank goddess I was not facing towards gray my bed mate, and I was facing the nightstand and wall. The next thing I know I’m wide awake with my fist back by my jaw in a defensive position and the sound of pills in a container smashing against the wall and ground having woken me right up. I had hauled off a might punch all right. My fist had flew out and hit a container that was just at the end of my reach, but the impact was enough that it flew, hit the opposite wall and ricocheted under the bed.

I eyed the overly full side table it was on, laden with my full glass of water, several containers, and other things, and was silently grateful I hadn’t put my fist through the lot! I rolled over, and kissed my boy, and was grateful I wasn’t facing that direction either, given he was only a foot away. He had woken up by this point, and I explained to his groggy head what had happened. He also expressed extreme gratitude, as well as some major concern when it came to falling back asleep again. lol.

I did re-assure him that this hasn’t happened since I was a kid. But I certainly hope it’s not the beginning of a new trend. If so, I’m sleeping with gloves, and my partners are sleeping with head gear.

ITW or In The Woods is an amazing BDSM kinky camping event put on yearly by the Triskeli guild in WA state. The camping site is just across the border from us and literally a hop, skip, and a jump away.

I just returned back from attending for the second year in a row, and celebrated with them this year their 10th anniversary. I strongly recommend this event to anyone in the kink community who remotely enjoys or even can tolerate camping. The workshops are amazing. The people are phenomenal. The food is good. It’s got amazing energy.

This year things seemed to get a little crazy, a lot of little things just off a bit. I came home with a bladder infection. Just about everyone in my leather family ended up with some form of medical issue some more of an issue than others. I’m keeping an eye on news from a couple of people. I don’t know about the rest of them, but I found it well worth it. Besides, I likely would have had the same infection crop up at home at some point, I think camping just accelerated it.
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“Do not follow the ideas of others, but learn to listen to the voice within yourself. Your body and mind will become clear and you will realize the unity of all things.” Dogen

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The worst condemnent and judgment is that of one’s own self and soul.

I was just deleted off a ning spiritual social network I belong to, after I posted some information about myself in terms of my sexuality and my involvement in creating fetish/erotic/adult/pornographic material.

As time goes on, the rejection of my self by others is less difficult for me. For it is not me they reject but some perception, judgment, assessment they have of me.

They do not know the whole of me or myself. My heart, my soul my being. My intentions. My self. My love. More »

Whether platonic friendships, love relationships, romantic love relationships, relationships are a huge part of our lives.

Healthy relationships fill us with positive energy and feelings, unhealthy relationships drain energy and cause negative feelings.

There is no blame in relationships that are draining or create negative energy or feelings. There is no point in ‘blame’. It serves no positive purpose. Sometimes it is just a matter of personalities or individual energies not aligning together. Two good people can still clash and have a negative relationship because of some negative behaviours.

Healthy relationships, come from choosing and creating relationships where you and the other person or persons benefit. No one is drained, everyone feels energized, and feelings are over-all positive, not negative. More »

Everything we ‘think’ is a metaphor. We can ‘think’ no other way.  We experience life through our small human mind.  A little gray box of flesh and chemicals and electricity. We understand through the limited filters of our senses, through our body and mind filters.

The language I’m using right now is a metaphor, we ‘process’ in metaphors, symbols that are meant to represent ‘reality’.

Until people grasp that what they hold so strongly as some ultimate truth,  religious truth, scientific truth, personal truth, is really just a child’s metaphorical scribble with a crayon of what is.  That that is the best we can do in our understanding, little movement can be had in terms of moving towards a world of real understanding, and tolerance. More »

I go through cycles of blogging. Unfortunately. I can get distracted for long periods of time. I wandered off for a while. I’ve been busy posting mostly in Fetlife.com alternative BDSM sexuality community… So much of what I’ve posted wasn’t really right for mass public consumption.

Well, that’s a shabby excuse isn’t it? Anyways.

I’ve been doing a lot of reconnecting to the more spiritual part of my ponderings. I’ve ended up joining a few social networks of various kinds with various alternative spiritual peoples there that have me writing in response to other people, which has me putting my spiritual thoughts into words.. which I’ve then started blogging on those sites… and so now have been thinking… well THIS I could be posting on the Pillow Book…

So here I find myself. Brushing out some cobwebs. Wondering if anyone is even still looking in on the dusty rooms now and then. I’ll just clean up, pop some fresh thoughts out, and see if anyone happens in for a bite.

It’s amazing what life can put in your path, and really as much as things can and do go wrong. How so much manages to go right.

I have a lot of things in my life right now going wrong that I could focus on… but I’m choosing instead to focus on what’s going right. As Aretha Franklin said, you’ve got to Ac-cent-tchu-ate The Positive.

Last night, I dreamt, the only thing I remember on waking was a piece of dream where I was standing in my backyard with the discovery that a red rose bush had grown and blossomed overnight in the grass. More »

I love NRE (new relationship energy) I’m vibrating with a fine mix of brain chemistry that’s intoxicating.

With a perpetually wet pussy and insatiable desire to torment my new boy that is kept in check by my fibro my body, and not wanting to break a new toy.

I’ve been having an amazing weekend, the stomach flu that floored me during the week seems to have left me. pumping with enough of that good NRE that I can make my way to MVK and show off my new pet. More »

and I’m proud.

I came from a very poor family, with some troubles, and some genetic issues that have affected my health in various ways throughout my life. With my share of childhood pains, we all endure, like the death of my oldest sister. Some childhood abuse from a teacher. Some health issues as a child. Among a myriad of other things.

I waited the longest out of my siblings to get my first real job (besides paper routes) at 13, at the video store. They all started at 12, as dishwashers or bus staff in restaurants… but I was too… lazy, lol, to work in the restaurant industry and was holding out for a cushier job. The video store sales girl sounded like a good option. I started saving for my future. With that, babysitting, and delivering papers.

I graduated from high school at 16, (I had been enrolled a year early and despite taking a year off to go to Europe, graduated early) and moved into my first apt. at 17, and supported myself and my first boyfriend. Student loans, full time work, full time school. Was to become my life for many years.

I was the only one in my family to go to get a post secondary education, and I achieved 3 degrees. A BFA majoring in studio arts, printmaking and drawing and a BA in psychology from UBC, and an MA in counselling psychology from the esteemed Adler School of professional psychology. A copy of my thesis paper, is available in their library.

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I’ve had friends over the years fall prey to this. Friends or lovers, scamming them for money. Sometimes from within the community, that charming Dom in need you’ve gotten close to online, that new friend you made at a munch with a business idea.

People get so taken in, when it’s someone they care about, that even after they’ve lost much in the way of money, or materials, or hard work and personal time, that they still don’t want to think the person who scammed them ‘planned it’.

It is important to trust one’s friends, but at the same time, please be aware. This can, and does happen all too often. In fact, the number of friends and aquaintances I’ve heard these stories from is all to frequent. Especially because I know most people do not tell others that they’ve been scammed. Usually the situation, and even the scammer, will encourage the person to feel so shamed about it, that people will blame themselves, not the scammer, and will be embarassed to share what happened to them. Or will feel if they speak out they will be gossiping and causing drama. More »

Amongst other news. An anonymous caller called in and reported us to the city bylaw officers. We’re not allowed to keep any fowl in Chilliwack. This happened earlier in the summer, the girls had become quite tame, and we’d just added a third hen, that lays blue eggs.  They were adopted out to a family that hopefully will love them as much as we did.    More »